The Right Now Coach Blogs

Check out my new blog!

2011-03-21T13:29:00.001-05:00

This past weekend, I saw my first sign of spring—snow drops in my front yard. What fun!

I have a brand new blog: The Write Now! Coach blogs. Later this week, I will be shutting down this blog. I'd love it if you'd join me for conversation at the new blog. Here are some of the topics I will be blogging about:

Writing and publishing! Of course, each week I will offer tips on writing and publishing.

Books! I have a stack of books just WAITING to be reviewed. Check out the blog for weekly reviews of fiction, nonfiction, and writing books.

The Mindfulness Project: Mindfulness was my New Year's resolution. I'll be blogging about the resources I'm using and how it is going.

Write2Transform: Writing can transform our lives. On most Wednesdays, I'll be posting journaling prompts--so that you can transform your life, too.

This week, I have some big things coming up on the blog:

*Tuesday, March 22, 2011: I will announce BIG NEWS about an exciting new project I am working on.

*Wednesday, March 23, 2011: I will post my review of Becky Levine's book The Writing and Critique Group Survival Guide. Come to the Mastermind class or leave a comment to be entered into a contest to WIN BECKY'S BOOK!

Thursday, March 24, 2011: Stop by to read the new blog schedule.

At the end of the week, everyone who comments on the blog will be entered into a contest to win books. One of the books is Beth Groundwater's great new mystery Deadly Currents.

I look forward to seeing you this week on the new blog!

Happy Spring!

Rochelle

Yoga Changes Everything

2011-02-22T13:29:00.000-06:00

Anyone who practices can obtain success in yoga but not one who is lazy. Constant practice alone is the secret of success. —Svatmarama

Six weeks ago, I started taking yoga. Twice a week, I go to class and do the same poses over and over. Each time, I learn a bit more about how to align my body so that I can hold the pose. Even though am getting better at yoga, I still find yoga to be hard work. But I keep at it, because I am enjoying the secret benefits of practicing yoga regularly: I am writing more.

Psychologists have found that people who add one hard goal to their life and keep at it for six to eight weeks often do better in all areas of their lives. So it makes sense that after practicing yoga for six weeks, I would be writing more. I am also exercising more and eating better. Why? Any hard goal strengthens your ability to self-regulate—to control your behavior. And that ability spreads to your actions in all parts of your life.

Here’s the challenge: choose one hard goal to take on for the next six to eight weeks. It might be writing that book you have been thinking about for the last ten years. It might also be revising the novel you wrote during NaNoWriMo. You might even choose to start taking yoga. Whatever you choose to be your hard goal, I’ll bet that doing it changes your life.

Happy Black History Month!

2011-02-10T10:01:00.000-06:00

The Dream Keeper
by Langston Hughes

Bring me all of your dreams,
You dreamers,
Bring me all of your
Heart melodies
That I may wrap them
In a blue cloud-cloth
Away from the too-rough fingers
Of the world.

When I started my writing group for teens, we named ourselves Dream Keepers after the above poem by Langston Hughes, a writer from the Harlem Renaissance.

When Hughes was in grammar school, he was designated class poet. Hughes said he was chosen because of the stereotype that African Americans have rhythm.

In Hughes’s long writing career, he wrote poems but he also wrote plays, novels, short stories, columns, and even children’s books. Hughes inspires me. He didn’t let the stereotypical ideas of others limit his creativity. In his writing and his work, Hughes dreamed wildly. But Hughes did more than dream—he wrote.

To celebrate black history month, take a trip to your local library or independent bookstore and read a book by Langston Hughes. Then take one of your own "heart melodies" and write about it.

New Year’s Resolutions Revisited

2011-02-03T16:29:00.000-06:00

Have you noticed? No one is saying “Happy New Year” anymore. Instead, we have settled into a daily pace that feels anything but new. For many of us, despite our resolution making, the New Year may seem suspiciously like the old year.

How about you? Have you kept your New Year’s resolutions? Are you writing daily, submitting your work, and keeping up with your reading? If not, consider this quote from coach Martha Beck:

“Think about your highest purpose in 2011. Set up your calendar to serve that end, and everything will run better.”

I do not worry about doing everything anymore. I know I cannot come close to succeeding at being Superwoman. But I do think carefully about how I spend my days. Still, after reading Beck’s quote, I knew I had work to do. I grabbed my calendar and colored pencils. I scheduled the activities I connect with my life’s purpose. I know that I have a better chance of finishing my book now that I have set aside time in my calendar.

Take a moment today and revisit those New Year’s Resolutions. What do you want to accomplish this year? Schedule time to write, create art, or take that acting class. Then follow through with your plan. Don’t give up your creative time to do the laundry, have coffee with a friend, or even to take on a new client. Use the time to work on your highest purpose. Now that’s how to have a Happy New Year!

End Writer's Block Forever

2011-01-31T14:01:00.000-06:00

All writing is difficult. The most you can hope for is a day when it goes reasonably easily. Plumbers don’t get plumber’s block, and doctors don’t get doctor’s block; why should writers be the only profession that gives a special name to the difficulty of working, and then expects sympathy for it?
—Philip Pullman

Most of my clients have experienced writer’s block. When it happens, we think that we are the only ones who suffer so fiercely. We imagine that our favorite novelists produce their books easily and fully formed. As we hit our head on our desks, struggling to find any old word (not to mention the best word), we think, “REAL WRITERS don’t have this problem. PROFESSIONALS never get blocked. If I were GOOD at this, I’d be done by now.” Yeah, right.

Writers get writer’s block. After years of writing professionally and coaching writers through blocks, I’ve learned that writer’s block is not some mysterious curse that needs to be cured. Instead, writer’s block is simply information. Writer’s block teaches us that something about our writing project or process is not working. In that sense, writer’s block is a gift. Like the pain that comes with a broken ankle, writer’s block tells us what’s broken. Once we know what is NOT working, we can fix it. Use the following questions to help you discover what writer’s block has to teach you:

1. Is this the right project for me? Sometimes we get blocked because we are working on writing assignments that are not right for us. Yeah, I know—professional writers write, no matter what. Ideally, we should be able to put together an article on either tree frogs or toe fungus with our eyes closed. But we can get embroiled in projects that don’t work for us. Writer’s block or procrastination is our soul saying, “No.” Let go of what does not work and move on.

2. Is this the right time for this project? We can love a project and desire to do it, but bump against writer’s block because the timing is wrong. Maybe we are trying to write a book while also launching a business or a teenager. Perhaps we don’t have the distance from a difficult experience to write a memoir about it. Or maybe we should just wait until tomorrow when the kids are back at school, and the house is quiet! If now is not the right time for this project, work on something else. Or, schedule a different time to write.

3. Do I have the information I need to do this project? Writer’s block can happen when we do not know enough to write an article or book. We might have thought we were ready to write, but writer’s block shows up to teach us we need to research more. Get thee to a library (or Google)!

4. Do I believe I can do this project? Research on the effectiveness of medication reveals that when a patient believes that a placebo will cure depression or a headache, it usually does. The same goes for us—if we believe we can write it, we can. It doesn’t matter what we are writing, how much training we have, or how well connected we are, our belief in our ability to write well busts through any block we might face. If you don’t believe you can write this particular project, you have two choices: write as if you believe in yourself or dump the project and find a new one.

5. Is the [structure, plot, character, etc.] working? Writer’s block is often a sign that a crucial element of the book is not working. Figure out what that is, and the block will disappear.

6. What do I know? You might run through all five of the above questions and still feel blocked. If that’s the case, ask yourself what you do know. Write what you know (even if it is simply a description of the character’s socks) until you stop feeling blocked.

That’s it—my not-so-magical solution to writer’s block. I hope you are cured. If not, maybe it is time to go to plumbing school?

Be Persistent

2011-01-25T12:30:00.000-06:00

A professional writer is an amateur who didn’t quit. —Richard Bach

Just over a month ago, our family adopted an 11-year-old Bichon named Muffin Man. This 16-pound dog has three great loves: treats, walks, and cuddles. When he wants any one of the three, he will employ one of his well-honed begging tricks. He follows me around the house, trying to guide me to the front door and his leash. Muffin dances backwards and forwards on two legs, tilting his little head to the side and making eyes at my daughter, begging for a treat. He sits attentively, tapping his feet rhythmically, silently pleading my husband to invite him to jump into his lap! No matter how many times we say later or no—we’ll walk you later, no table treats, no sitting on the sofa—Muffin persists in asking for what he wants. Writers, we can learn from my dog!

Richard Bach said that a professional writer is an amateur who didn’t quit. How true. In this complicated, competitive market, persistence might be your best asset. The writers who succeed continued writing and revising their books even after their family, friends, or a few dozen agents told them to give up and get a real job. They submitted their books to hundreds of agents and publishers until something clicked. Then the authors persistently marketed their books until readers started showing up.

Yes, it is hard to get published. There are fewer publishing houses looking for bigger name authors who can promise thousands of readers. But there are also new, smaller publishing houses cropping up all over the place. Online venues offer additional places for writers to get published. But before any of that matters, you must persist in writing and rewriting until you have a manuscript that shines. The key to all of the above tasks is persistence. Now, get back to that writing!

P.S. If you don’t believe me, take a look at this article about 30 famous authors who were rejected repeatedly before they got published!

Choose One Thing

2011-01-10T13:13:00.000-06:00

When asked, “How do you write?” I invariably answer, “one word at a time.” —Stephen King

Last week you dreamed about what might be possible. You thought about what you want to give up, what you hope to take on, and what you want to write. Now it is time to choose one goal and make a plan to achieve it.

“Just one?” you ask. “But I have a million good ideas.”

Most writers have a million good ideas floating around in their brains. We jot them in our notebooks and on our to-do lists, but often juggling too many good ideas and potential projects prevents us from finishing any of them.

Make this year different. Choose one project and schedule time to work on it. Write one word at a time until the project is done. When you have finished writing and revising to your satisfaction, choose another project.

This is how a writer builds a large body of work—by writing one word at a time. Now go and do likewise!

New Year Dreams

2010-12-31T10:29:00.000-06:00

Not easy to find the balance, for if one does not have wild dreams of achievement, there is no spur even to get the dishes washed. One must think like a hero to behave like a merely decent human being. —May Sarton, Journal of a Solitude

People who record their dreams and goals are better able to achieve them. They are also happier and healthier. Record your visions, dreams, and goals for the New Year. Sometimes the best way to do this is to complete a sentence repeatedly until you run out of ideas. It may take five minutes (or more) to discover what you really want.

Try completing these sentences:
*In the New Year, I want to give up . . .
*In the New Year, I want to take on . . .
*In the New Year, I will write about . . .
*In the New Year, I will rock my life by . . .
*In the New Year, I will strengthen my body and spirit by . . .
*In the New Year, I will work to change my world by . . .

A word of warning—this kind of dreaming can change your life! Try it and see what happens.

The Reading Day

2010-12-21T12:44:00.003-06:00

In the quiet spaces opened up by the sustained, undistracted reading of a book, or by any other act of contemplation, for that matter, we make our own associations, draw our own inferences and analogies, foster our own ideas. . . . If we lose those quiet spaces, or fill them up with “content,” we will sacrifice something important not only in our selves but in our culture. —Nicholas Carr, The Atlantic, 2008

In Nicholas Carr’s 2008 essay, Is Google Making Us Stupid? What the Internet is doing to our brains, Carr confessed, “Over the past few years I’ve had an uncomfortable sense that someone, or something, has been tinkering with my brain, remapping the neural circuitry, reprogramming the memory.” In the article, Carr noted that he had lost the ability to read for hours. After reading just a few pages of text, his mind would wander.

I’ve noticed the same problem when I read and write. And, like Carr, I attribute it to the amount of time I spend online, taking in information. I’ve tried to keep strict boundaries between my writing life and the Internet. I don’t go online until I’ve finished my daily writing. I won’t leave open my email or

Twitter and Facebook feeds while I work— even if I am doing a relatively boring task. I don’t use my smart phone to surf or text in the car, when I exercise, or when I am with family or friends.

That said, I spend hours online every day. Whenever I need a piece of information for an article, I do a Web search. I read a good amount of research and creative writing online. I frequently visit social networking sites. In the evening, watching television or reading a magazine, I’ll frequently go back online to get more information on something I’ve read. Thanks to smart tags, many of my magazines now interact with online sites. By the end of the day, I experience what I call cyber-induced monkey mind. Long after I’ve turned off the computer, my brain is flitting between ideas and my long list of tasks. This impacts my writing.

I don’t know about you, but my writing depends on quiet spaces to think up and spin out ideas. For that reason, I am taking a reading day twice a month. On those days, I pretend I am on vacation. I do not check email, update my Facebook status, or check in on Twitter. Instead, I sit in my favorite chair and read. In between pages, I jot down quotes I want to remember. In between chapters, I daydream and nap a bit. At the end of the day, I feel rested and less anxious about what I need to produce.

Writers, give yourself the gift of a reading day. Reading offline will deepen your writing. Time away from your work and the computer will refresh you. New ideas will take root inside of you. When you return to your writing desk, your attention span might even be a smidgen longer! Now that’s something to celebrate!

Purposeful Fallow Time

2010-12-13T10:36:00.000-06:00

Let mystery have its place in you; do not be always turning up your whole soil with the ploughshare of self-examination, but leave a little fallow corner in your heart ready for any seed the winds may bring. —Henri Frederic Amiel

I reached my National Novel Writing Month word count on Friday, November 26 and, on the same day, jumped into an editing project with a pressing deadline. I planned to use last Friday morning to finish the editing project, work on my Web site redesign, and write several of these tips.

It was not to be. I could not focus. I could not find a topic. I could not get interested in writing anything! Instead of lamenting my laziness, I decided I was simply tired. My brain needed rest. Instead of writing, I grabbed a book and a blanket and nestled into the couch.

Writers, we cannot produce work 24/7. We need to have both fallow and productive times in our writing lives. We understand what it means to produce work. As writers, we work hard to stay productive and get published. But what does it mean to engage in fallow time?

Farmers regularly let fields lie fallow. The old saying goes, “Farm the best. Conserve the rest.” Allowing a field to be fallow for a season or two prevents soil erosion, provides food for wild animals, and prepares the land for future plantings. Yet, when demand for food is high, farmers can be tempted to forgo the fallow field and farm all of their land.

As writers, we need fallow time, too. Sometimes when we think we are experiencing writer’s block, we are really tired. We need rest. We need time to step back from the relentless pressure of producing finished work. Time away from constant deadlines prevents us from producing work that is boring and predictable. It provides time to explore and nurture new ideas. The time away can also prepare us to launch a new project.

For many writers, fallow time just happens. We finish a big project or a series of small projects, and we stop writing for a time. Or, we hit the holiday season, and we do not have time to write. People and life demand our attention, and we give it. Soon, months have passed, and we have not written. But we also have not rested.

Our writing would be improved by introducing purposeful fallow time into our lives. We can practice fallow time for a day each week or a week each quarter. During our fallow time, we purposefully engage in activities that help us to recover from the relentless pressure of daily deadlines. We read, rest, and gather inspiration. We might walk or write in a journal. We may go to the movies in the middle of the day. We might even bake bread. At the end of the time away from work, we feel rejuvenated and ready to write again.

This month, I will be exploring some of the ways writers can use this purposeful fallow time. Tune in next week for more ideas about how fallow time can bring you inspiration!

What You Can Learn from NaNoWriMo Participants

2010-12-02T13:40:00.001-06:00

National Novel Writing Month ended on Tuesday night. Those of us who were NaNoWriMo winners finished writing our 50,000-word novels in a month or less. But all of us who wrote are winners. Anyone who did their best to amass a crazy amount of words in a month is a winner to me. Congratulations.

Several years ago, I interviewed NaNoWriMo Winners by email. Every writer can learn something from the success of these writers. Here are my favorite tips:

1. Busy is not an excuse. In fact, many of the NaNoWriMo Winners keep chaotic schedules. Winner Elizabeth McKinney from Winston-Salem wrote her novel while also writing professionally for her full-time job. Winner Nicole Gustasa from California said, “Not only did I finish National Novel Writing Month last year, but I did it while I was moving, finalizing my divorce and working a 60-hour a week job!” Never whine about being too busy to write. If you want to write, you’ll find time to write.

2. No MFA? No problem. Many of the wannabe writers I meet put off their writing careers until they can get more education or experience. Don’t wait. Educate yourself by reading and attending workshops. Get experience by writing. Winner Susan Drolet said, “When I actually finished an entire novel, I realized that you don't have to be a professional writer or have a degree in journalism to put words together to make a coherent story. I am so proud of my accomplishment!”

3. Success creates success. All the NaNoWriMo winners I talked to were proud of their 50,000-word accomplishments—and they should be. NaNoWriMo success boosted the winners’ writing confidence and spilled over into other areas as well. Winner Kristine Augustyn said, “Because I actually completed the novel I feel that I can do many more things. It has given me greater confidence and inspiration and in turn I have inspired others to try things. Kristine gained the confidence to start a new business, Badge of Intent. For me, the discipline of writing supported my daily discipline of walking.

You don’t need to be a National Novel Writing Month winner to know what successful writers know. Take a look at your own writing successes. Perhaps you committed to and finished a journaling program. Maybe you got that first big article published. Or you kept your commitment to write every day. Good for you! Now ask yourself, “What practices led to that success?” Make a list. Do more of the same—and you will be more successful. It’s that simple.

Momentum

2010-11-18T10:04:00.000-06:00

As any athlete knows, momentum is the most unstoppable force in sports. The only way to stop it is if you get in your own way, start making stupid mistakes, or stop believing in yourself. —Rocco Mediate

I’ve learned how to keep momentum in my exercise program. Trite as it sounds, Nike had it right when they said, “Just do it.” I’ve adopted tactics to make just doing it easier—working out with the same people every day, being accountable to friends, and building gym time into my daily schedule. How do you keep momentum in writing?

1. Schedule. After more than eighteen years of writing, I’ve learned that if I don’t build writing time into my schedule, it won’t happen. Every week I set aside specific days and times to write. I also schedule specific projects for each time slot—just like I’d schedule a client. When I wake up in the morning, I write because it’s on my daily agenda.

2. No blank pages. I’ve learned to end each writing session in the middle of something—so that I never have to start with a blank page. National Novel Writing Month participant Elizabeth McKinney, a PR professional from Winston-Salem, had this advice: In the pre-NaNo kickoff with Winston-Salem Writers, we learned to stop at an exciting point in the plot, to leave yourself something to automatically begin writing when you sat down the next day.

3. Curiosity. Writing has to be a grand adventure of some sort or it gets boring. But what if you’re writing the literary equivalent of milquetoast? Imagine you’re a newbie who doesn’t know the answer. Get curious about what happens next. If that doesn’t work, skip to tip #4.

4. Conflict. Without conflict, writing gets boring—for both writers and readers. Even DVD manuals have built-in conflict. They are designed to present problems and then teach the reader how to overcome them. NaNoWriMo participant Nicole Gustasa, Monterey, California, solved her novel’s need for conflict this way: Whenever I was stumped for what was going to happen next, I'd throw ninjas at my characters. I was writing a wacky screwball-comedy spy-and-nerd-on-the-run farce, so it worked well. Your mileage may vary, although personally I think serious literary fiction could benefit from a few ninjas (and vice-versa). I don’t know if I’ll add ninjas to my NaNoWriMo novel, but I like the spirit of this idea. Create momentum for your work by adding conflict, surprise, or just something different. If you get stuck, ask yourself how you might move forward if you added a new villain, a poem, or the opposing point of view.

5. Deadline. Sometimes we maintain momentum because we fear the wrath of our editors. For NaNoWriMo participants, the looming November 30th deadline helps to keep their butts in their chairs. Deadlines work. If you don’t have a real deadline—and a boss ready to fire you if you don’t finish the project—create one. If you need someone to hold you accountable, hire a coach or enlist the help of a friend.

We write because we have something to say—something we believe will change the world or a small part of it. When we don’t finish our work, our words cannot help anyone. Momentum is the key to finishing the writing you start. Once you have momentum, you become an unstoppable force for good in the world. Now that’s a reason to just do it!

Get it Written

2010-11-10T10:30:00.001-06:00

Don’t get it right. Just get it written. —James Thurber

I cannot think! I have too many words flowing in and out of my head. Since National Novel Writing Month began, I have faithfully written 1666 words a day. But don’t think the work has been easy for me. My inner editors are driving me nuts! The other day, one of the editors told me that my characters all sound alike. Another inner editor picked apart my book’s structure. A third told me that my protagonist sounded like a 30-year-old instead of a nine-year-old girl. I kept writing, but I was mighty tempted to stop and edit the book.

Here’s the trick: quiet your inner editors. Send the editors on a short vacation. Give the editors tickets to the movies. Invite them to go to the kitchen and eat the rest of the Halloween candy. (Remember to speak kindly to your inner editors. Those of us who are editors can be quite sensitive.) Then, when the editorial voices are gone, write like crazy. Invite the editors back in March for National Novel Editing Month!

The Walking Writer

2010-11-03T12:55:00.002-05:00

Did you see the article, “Prolonged Sitting Boosts Bad Health”?

Yup, it’s true. People who sit a lot, even those of us
with overactive imaginations, are at an increased
risk for disease. So what’s a writer to do?

Get in your 10,000 steps a day. Most experts agree that
walking an average of 10,000 steps (approximately
five miles) each day can increase health and reduce
weight. Walking also boosts brainpower. When you
add more steps to your day, you will increase your
ability to add words to the page. That’s good
news for those of us trying to write 50,000 words
this month for National Novel Writing Month!
Here are a few tips for reaching your 10,000 steps:

1. Take one 30-minute walk a day. I’ve worn a
pedometer off and on for more than five years.
The only way I’ve found to regularly hit 10,000
steps is to take a 30-minute walk.

2. Take a walking break each hour. Get up once
an hour to walk to the water fountain, throw in
a load of laundry, or make the beds. Make up
tasks just to get out of your chair and stretch
your legs.

3. Do errands on foot. If you live in a pedestrian
neighborhood, walk to the grocery store and
mailbox. If you live or work in the country or a
suburb, drive to a shopping area and walk
between stores as much as possible. When you
go to the mall or grocery store, always try to
park far from the door.

Writers, as you madly scribble your 1700 words
a day, also try to amass 10,000 steps a day. In
the end, you’ll be a healthier, happier, and
more productive writer! Promise!

To Outline or Not?

2010-10-26T10:29:00.000-05:00

I spent eight months outlining and researching the novel before I begin to write

a single word of prose. —Jeffrey Deaver

Writing became such a process of discovery that I couldn't wait to get to work in

the morning: I wanted to know what I was going to say. —Sharon O'Brien

Margaret McGaffey Fisk writes online that outlining helped drop her novel-writing time

from seven years to two months. On the other hand, mystery writer J. A. Janz doesn’t outline

her novels—she writes to find out what happens. So what’s best? Both have advantages.

Detailed outlining gives you a road map for writing. The detailed outline includes everything

you need to write the book—what happens, who it involves, when it happens, and where

the action takes place. The detailed outline might also include character studies and snippets

of dialogue.

Skeleton outlining gives you the broad strokes of plot or contents. You may not know everything

about what will happen to the characters but you do know where they start, how it ends up, and

the general movements they take to get from beginning to end. If you’re a nonfiction writer, you

might know the chapter topics—but not have a detailed outline for each chapter.

I call the third method, “flying by the seat of your pants.” In this process, you start with a few

interesting characters and a problem. Then you write your way into a story.

And here is my sage advice: no one can tell you which way is best. None are best for everyone.

But one is best for you. Do what works.

Why You Need to NaNo!

2010-10-20T11:36:00.004-05:00

The only way to learn to write is to write.

—Peggy Teeters

It’s that time of year again. National Novel Writing month (NaNoWriMo) begins November 1st. Are you ready to write like crazy?

You’re probably saying, “But I don’t write fiction!” Maybe you’re slogging your way through a bunch of grant proposals. Or you are writing a nonfiction book to promote your business. Perhaps you want to finish a short story. Use National Novel Writing Month as your framework to get more writing done.

In November 2009, 167,150 people signed up to complete a 175-page or 50,000-word novel in 30 days. 32,178 of us finished. (I crossed the NaNoWriMo finish line in only 28 days!) The NaNoWriMo website provides encouraging emails, a discussion board, and interviews with NaNoWriMo writers for participants.

Here’s my advice: sign up to participate in NaNoWriMo. The external deadline will help you write more. Create a November writing schedule that will help you write 175-pages of your project by the end of the month. Then write. Like mad.

That’s my plan for the month! I’ll let you know what happens.

Write Better: Rewrite

2010-10-13T10:32:00.002-05:00

I'm not a very good writer, but I'm an excellent rewriter.

—James Michener

When I read a good book, I want to quit writing. Who can compete? I’ll tell you who: the writer who rewrites the manuscript until the writing is right. It’s all in the editing, friends. Here are five random tips to improve your writing:

1. Read your work out loud. You will catch your grammatical mistakes more easily. You will notice your bad writing habits. You will also hear your writing voice. Once you hear what does not work, modify it. Then read it out loud again.

2. Limit your use of adverbs. Some authors modify every action with an adverb: she walked slowly, he ate hastily, they talked very quietly. As Twain said, “Substitute ‘damn’ every time you're inclined to write ‘very’; your editor will delete it, and the writing will be just as it should be.”

3. Don’t change your verbs into nouns. For example, many writers use investigation instead of investigate or exploration instead of explore. When your characters make an investigation into the truth or begin an exploration, your readers fall asleep. But when your characters investigate and explore, readers pay attention.

4. Find the right word or phrase. Clichés bore me to tears. First drafts are invariably full of clichés. Look for these, eliminate them, and then find the best words and phrases to express your ideas. Mark Twain said it this way, “The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.”

5. Cut, cut, cut! When I write my first draft, I write more than I need to make my point. I repeat the same idea multiple times. I use extra words. I go off on tangents. When I rewrite, I eliminate the excess. As Thomas Jefferson said, “The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do.”

If you read a good book, you know the writer worked at it. It’s the same thing with any well-written copy—on a Web site or in a book. Don’t give up when your first draft turns out little better than a fifth-grade essay. Put it away for a few days or weeks. Then rewrite it. You’ll be brilliant someday, too!

WANT TO USE THIS TIP IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Write Now! Coach Rochelle Melander teaches professionals how to write faster, get published, establish credibility, and navigate the new world of social media. Get your free subscription to her Write Now! Tips Ezine at http://www.writenowcoach.com and sign up to be a member of her Write Now! Mastermind class for professionals at http://www.writenowmastermind.com

Want to Write Better? Shorten Your Sentences

2010-10-05T15:50:00.001-05:00

I've always written very tightly, and there's a good reason for that. There's no point in using words that you're not going to apply. You don't use words that are not going to be employed in the narrative or context. It should consist of short, sharply focused sentences, each of which is a whole scene in itself. By that, you put the reader right in there where the story is. —Theodore Sturgeon

Have you ever read a sentence overflowing with ideas and information and constructed with so many clauses that the sentence required lots of commas and semicolons and even a parenthetical remark or two (just to get it all in), so that by the end of the sentence you forgot where the sentence began and what the writer was trying to tell you in the first place?

I have. As a writing coach who often works with academics, I see sentences that make my 66-word creation above look stunted. You can easily improve your writing by shortening your sentences. (Not all of them—that would sound choppy.) Keep your longer sentences to 25 words or less. If you’re not sure about a sentence’s length, read it aloud. If the sentence leaves you gasping for air, shorten it. Your readers will thank you!

WANT TO USE THIS TIP IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Write Now! Coach Rochelle Melander teaches professionals how to write more, get published, establish credibility, and navigate the new world of social media. Get your free subscription to her Write Now! Tips Ezine athttp://www.writenowcoach.com and sign up to be a member of her Write Now! Mastermind class for professionals at http://www.writenowmastermind.com

The Writing Buddy

2010-09-29T13:03:00.001-05:00

I like this John Steinbeck quote: The writer must believe that what he is doing is the most important thing in the world. And he must hold to this illusion even when he knows it is not true.

I always encourage my clients to set aside time to write whether they believe that their work is the most important thing in the world or not. For me the best solution has been to behave as if my writing is the most important thing in the world. Belief follows behavior.

Not always. Some days, I write all day and still think, “Why am I wasting my time?” On other days, it is difficult to take time to work on a project that I doubt will ever make it into print.

Writers, when you doubt yourself and your work, hang out with a fellow writer. This one small action will inspire you. Writing is a solitary profession. It has to be. But getting up and facing the blank page every day is easier when you have friends who do the same and can share your pain!

Recently, the new field of network science has begun to examine how our social connections influence us. In 2007, Harvard professor Nicholas A. Christakis and UC-San Diego professor James H. Fowler published a study suggesting that obesity is contagious. They found that having a single obese friend increased by 57% one’s chances of being obese. Scientists are discovering that many emotions and behaviors spread through our social networks, including happiness and regular exercise. I wonder: would having a friend who was a productive writer increase by 57% one’s chances of becoming a productive writer? Why not try it and see what happens?

I’ve been making more time to hang out with writer friends. Here are some of the questions I ask other writers:

*What books have inspired you? What works in them? What would you do differently?

*What trends do you see in the field? How is writing different than it was ten years ago?

*What are you working on? What challenges are you facing? What excites you right now?

*How can we help each other be accountable? This question has led to sharing informal deadlines, weekly email reports, and writing days.

*How can we help each other move forward? From time to time, I will exchange manuscripts with friends for critique. I find it helpful to get feedback from another person writing in the same genre. And, it is an honor to be able to think critically about another person's manuscript.

This week as you are planning your writing time, schedule a walk or coffee date with another writer. No doubt you will leave your meeting inspired and ready to write.

WANT TO USE THIS TIP IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Write Now! Coach Rochelle Melander teaches professionals how to write more, get published, establish credibility, and navigate the new world of social media. Get your free subscription to her Write Now! Tips Ezine at http://www.writenowcoach.com and sign up to be a member of her Write Now! Mastermind class for professionals at http://www.writenowmastermind.com

Plan B

2010-09-24T09:26:00.000-05:00

I'm in the process of creating a new and improved blog. In the meantime, I want to share with you my tip from last week's Write Now! Tips. If you are interested in receiving these in your in box, you can sign up at the Write Now! Coach page.

The most successful people are those who are good at Plan B. —James Yorke

I set aside last Monday and Tuesday to finish my Art Fellowship application. My daughter, husband, and son got sick. Because Tuesday was a primary election day, the phone rang every six minutes. Candidates and their supporters stopped by the house to see if we were voting for them. Of course, since the whole family was germy, I got to be the phone-checking, door-answering diva. By noon on Monday, I was ready to chuck the whole thing. Then I remembered plan B.

Plan B is what you do when ideal doesn’t happen. Plan B allows you to get real and write what you can, when you can, no matter what. Here’s how to make your own Plan B:

Loosen your grip on ideal and get real. Often writers tell me they can only write in the morning or at night or when the moon is full. Some tell me they need to set aside a whole day to get anything done. Others need just the right paper or light or chocolate. Here’s the thing—ideal rarely happens. Sometimes when we have the ideal circumstances, we can’t get the words right. Or we do not write as much as we wanted. Let it go. Ideal is for television and movies. Accept that ideal rarely happens and get real about what you can do. Whew. Now you’re ready for Plan B.

Plan ahead. Interruptions happen. Part of getting real is getting ready. Look back on the kinds of interruptions and roadblocks you have experienced in your writing over the past year. What sort of Plan B would have helped you to solve them? Examples include: writing less, working on a shorter project, writing in a different location, researching instead of writing, or turning off the phone.

Get specific. Most writers I work with have a global idea of what they want to do during the week. For example, I went into last week with this on my to-do list: “finish fellowship application.” That’s too big, even without interruptions. Take your big goal and break it down into really small steps. For my plan B list, my small steps looked like this: write list of current interests in work, write sentence about how art exhibit influenced current work, add recent publications to CV. Each of these steps I could do in 15-minute slots. Many of them I could work on while cuddling a sick child.

Get creative. Do you remember the old saying, “Necessity is the mother of invention?” Crazy, challenging situations stimulate our creativity. Use your interruptions as an opportunity to get creative and design a fun plan B. When author Madeleine L’Engle was in her 20s, she did more acting than writing. Her plan B was to write between scenes. Barbara Kingsolver wrote her first novel in a closet, in the middle of the night, while pregnant with her first child. Keith Donohue wrote his first novel as he commuted to and from work on the train. If these writers can write without all the time in the world, you can too!

I managed to complete my writer’s fellowship application in between delivering doses of pain reliever to my children. My days did not turn out the way I had planned. But my Plan B worked just as well. Now I’ll never go into a week without a Plan B (and C and D)!

WANT TO USE THIS TIP IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Write Now! Coach Rochelle Melander teaches professionals how to write more, get published, establish credibility, and navigate the new world of social media. Get your free subscription to her Write Now! Tips Ezine at http://www.writenowcoach.com and sign up to be a member of her Write Now! Mastermind class for professionals at http://www.writenowmastermind.com

The Happiness Budget: Sidewalk Chalk

2010-06-09T10:04:00.000-05:00

The Right Now! Coach Goes to Hospital Camp

2010-06-08T14:13:00.000-05:00

We spent much of Sunday packing everything we could think of to make two weeks in the hospital seem less like, well, two weeks in the hospital and more like hospital camp. We have books, magazines, movies, multiple craft projects, at least two bead project kits to create for other children who come to the hospital, and activity bags to make for sibling visitors. (Elly is working on one of those at right.) Of course the most important items in our suitcases, according to fashion-comes-first Elly, are our clothes. Elly spent a lot of time making sure that both of us would be dressed appropriately. (That means no sweatpants for Mom!)

But no matter how much thought and effort we've put into bettering our hospital stay, the hospital is still a hospital. Elly doesn't like the smell or the daily needle sticks. Neither of us is crazy about the all-night lights and noise. And I don't like having to walk down the hall to the parent shower. Despite the challenges, I am glad we are here. The goal is a good one: getting Elly to eat. (And she is doing well so far.) The staff has been incredibly helpful, especially Elly's team of psychologists. And as long as Elly keeps eating, she is free to explore the playroom, go to the school room, and watch movies.

And that's just what we are doing today at hospital camp. After spending a few minutes in the playroom, Elly went to school with several other children. Later, I will pick her up for our afternoon movie and craft time. (We're putting together keychain kits to give to the Create A Project Program at the hospital.) Tonight she plans to blog—because no matter where you are, fashion comes first!

More soon from hospital camp.

The Happiness Budget

2010-06-01T10:46:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago I read at the Ode Magazine Web site about towns in the Netherlands who are giving their residents a happiness budget. At first I was troubled by the idea of using money to buy happiness. But then I read the article again. The people who designed this experience were not inviting people to buy a bunch of stuff. Instead, the purpose of the money was to encourage people to invest in projects that bring them happiness.

I immediately thought about my birthday purchase—a new bike. I'd been wanting one for years. The last time I had a new bike, I was a college student. I felt exhilarated when I got on my new bike for the first time. What a sense of freedom! This purchase fits with the happiness budget idea. It provides me with both transportation and a tool for exercise (a major happiness booster). Plus, it's pretty! :-)

Next Monday, I'll be taking my daughter to the hospital for a two-week stay. She'll be working with the feeding team at Children's Hospital of Wisconsin. She's been having tube feedings since February of 2008. We're hoping that she will be able to leave the hospital and maintain her weight (and even grow!) without needing tube feedings.

During our hospital stay, my daughter will have three meals each day with the feeding team. Aside from that, we will have little else to do. We've been talking about how we can use our own happiness budget to better the hospital stay and help other people. We're hoping to make something we can give away to children who need them.

We're still in the planning stages, but we will both be blogging during the stay. So check back here for updates on how the happiness budget works for us!

Write2Transform: The Love Equation

2010-04-19T20:49:00.002-05:00

When we commit ourselves to writing for some part of each day we are happier, more enlightened, alive, lighthearted and generous to everyone else. Even our health improves.

—Brenda Ueland

As I caught up on email and journaling, my daughter wrote. "What are you working on?" I asked. My 8-year old answered, "I am measuring love." When Elly had finished working, she had a card for each person in the family. (You can see mine here.) "What does it mean?" I asked. Elly explained that the M was for Mom. One of the numbers stood for the love we have for each other while the other number indicated the time we spend together each day. She told me that the amount of time we spend together affects the love number. In essence, she said that the more time we spend together, the more love we have for each other. But she also assured me that the time we were apart from each other was not lost. The love number also increases when we think about each other. Elly then turned the card over and did a lot of complicated math—none of which I understood. But I think I get the gist of this love equation—put in the time and increase the love!

I certainly found the love equation to be true in my journaling project: put in the time and increase the results. After journaling for more than 40 days, I felt more connected to myself. I have a better sense of what I want from my life and each day. I know what I enjoy in life, and journaling helps me to appreciate the small blessings. Most importantly, when I forgot to journal, I missed it. On those days, I didn't feel quite as good or as connected to my life and my life's purpose.

But what about the other benefits? In case you forgot, here's what the research says journaling is supposed to do, and how I think it helped me during the month:

*Improve memory and sleep (Yup! and Yup! I always thought that if I chewed over my life in a journal, I might lose sleep. Just the opposite happened. By writing it all down, I was able to let go of difficulties and ruminate less. Of course writing stuff down also meant I remembered things better.)

*Boost immune cell activity (Except for one nasty bug, I escaped the sniffles and such that wound their way through our house.)

*Speed healing after surgery (Thankfully, I didn't get to test that one.)

*Increase general feelings of well being (Yes!)

*Support you in achieving your goals (In the short term, yes. I found that jotting down daily goals made me much more likely to achieve them.)

*Increase longevity (I'll let you know in 80 years or so!)

I could write much, much more about each of these benefits. And, I will. I plan to do more write2transform projects and blog posts in the future. I'll be back to tell you more about how it went.

Until then, happy writing!

Write2Plan

2010-03-31T13:20:00.000-05:00

In one of the comments on the Write2Vision post, someone wondered if the hardest part of visioning is putting the dreams into practice. It may be. You know the old quote:

A vision without a task is merely a dream;

A task without a vision is drudgery;

But a vision with a task is the hope of the world.

If we're going to bring to life a piece of our Best Possible Self vision, then we need to do some planning and goal setting. Despite the bad press good intentions get, writing down a goal moves it from imagination to intention. The written goal becomes part of our conscious lives, and we become more likely to achieve the goal.

Recent research has discovered some interesting facts about writing and goal setting. First, people who emphasized approaching a desired future as they wrote narratives about life-changing decisions (versus writing about escaping an undesired past) reported a greater sense of well-being. Second, writers who use causal words tend to live longer than those who don’t. (Causal words and phrases include the words so, hence, in order that, in hopes of, and for the purpose of.) Finally, as I have mentioned before, people who note when, where, and how they will achieve their goal are more likely to do it.

Take a look at your write2vision journal entries. Ask yourself:

What specific goals are inside these visions? Make a list.
What goals are most dear to you? Or, what goals are you especially passionate about? Star these goals on your list.
How could you go about achieving these goals?
What one goal could you begin working on this week?
Write this goal in your journal and begin making a plan. Include lots of small steps!

Once I have a goal and a loose plan, I like using the write2dump exercise to plan my day. Each morning, I write one to three pages about what I hope to accomplish during the day. I often create a schedule to connect my writing goals to specific times of day. I also allow for times of rest and reward in the schedule. For example, I might plan to work on a current writing project for ninety minutes in the morning. I also plan what my reward will be. When I plan both the work and the reward, I am much more likely to accomplish my goal.

Now it's your turn. Write2Plan—then let me know how it goes!

Write2Vision

2010-03-23T11:28:00.000-05:00

Last summer, a friend brought me a wonderful gift: four bulbs from her mother's garden. My friend helped me figure out where to plant the flowers. I was excited to see them emerge this spring. My friend cautioned me: it might take more than one year for the bulbs to take root and flower. Still, their presence gives me hope.

In January, while I was still curled up on the couch, drinking wine and whining about the weather, my gardening friends were pouring over their seed catalogs and planning their gardens. As they looked out at piles of snow and saw rows of vegetables, I saw only snow. I knew my bulbs were there, hibernating. But with all the snow, I could not imagine what else I might plant in my tiny yard.

I love using the image of a garden to think about our lives. In the next week, we will be doing write2vision journaling, and the garden is a rich metaphor for these exercises. During the write2transform project, we've poked around in the gardens of our lives. We know what's planted and what is flourishing. We have sensed what is taking root, waiting to emerge. We have also found the fallow places—the strengths and passions we've left untended. This week, we get to take a look at the garden of our lives and imagine what we might plant next.

Psychology professor Laura King discovered that writing about one’s best possible future self improved participants’ moods, health, and ability to set and achieve goals. In the study, psychologists instructed participants to write a vision of their lives five years in the future, imagining that they had worked as hard as possible and everything had gone as well as possible. I've used this exercise with many clients over the years. I've seen it transform their lives. Like a gardener with a seed catalog and a sketch book, the exercise gives people the ability to sketch out the details of their happily ever after.

So are you up for the challenge? I certainly am! Here are the basic instruction for the exercise:

Imagine yourself five years from now. Everything has gone as well as it possibly could. You have worked hard and succeeded at accomplishing all of your goals. Write in the present tense about your life.

In the original study, participants did this exercise four times. I like that. I found that the first time I tried this exercise, I experienced the same difficulty I had with imagining my garden. I was so tethered to the present that I could not vision the future. The second time I did the exercise, my tether was looser. Each try brought bigger dreams. As I worked at it, my description of my best possible life became more detailed.

Here are some other hints for doing the exercise:

*Use as much sensory detail as possible.

*Write about every area of your life—not just your job. Think about your living environment, what you wear, how you exercise, the foods you prepare and eat, and who you connect with.

*Think about creative ways you could do the exercise. Instead of simply journaling about your best possible future, write an article about yourself, an acceptance speech for a coveted award, or a profile of yourself for a television news show.

*Consider doing the exercise away from home. It's hard to see the seeds for your beautiful future when you are staring at piles of dirty laundry and unpaid bills. Go to the art museum, a coffee shop or library and write there. You will be able to think bigger thoughts away from home.

Finally, and most importantly: have fun! Enjoy this exercise. I know I will!

Write2Connect

2010-03-17T17:21:00.000-05:00

I write professionally. Daily, I send words out into the world for public consumption. But, I journal for me. I write to connect to my life and hopefully transform it. I do not share these musings with others. I never expected I would want to journal with someone else. But I'm doing just that.

Ten years ago, my husband and I began keeping a gratitude journal together. We take turns writing three-five things we are grateful about the other. Sometimes we draw silly pictures. We don't write daily. Sometimes years go by without an entry. But when one senses the other could use a little gratitude, he or she pulls out the journal, makes a list, and leaves it for the other to find.

Last summer I started journaling with both of my children. I wanted to share some of the writing exercises I'd been doing with the Dream Keepers and am now using for the write2transform challenge—write2thanks, write2delight, and write2build. I wanted the exercises to help my children practice gratitude and get connected to their strengths. Finally, as a writer, I also wanted a record of their thoughts and questions from their childhood in their own handwriting.

When I introduced the journals, my son complied but kvetched. He'd write terse, one-sentence answers to my questions. The whole process was painful. I didn't want to promote an exercise that he'd grow to hate—so I dropped it. His journal is stuffed away somewhere in his over-packed bookshelf.

My daughter loved the practice and embraced it immediately. In the past year, we have filled one journal and are working on a second. As many of you know, my eight-year-old daughter has had to face some health issues. She developed seizure disorder when she was 3 1/2 years old. She was diagnosed with failure-to-thrive a few years later and put on a feeding tube in 2008. She's now been on the feeding tube for two years. I hoped the journaling would give her something to do while she was hooked up to the feeding pump. I also wanted her to start brainstorming about how she could eat more and get off the feeding tube for good. (We're still working on that one.)

The write2connect project has been a great deal of fun for both of us. Maybe the best person to tell you about it is my daughter, Elly. This afternoon, I interviewed her about our journaling practice. Here's what she to say:

What do you think about journaling with me?
It's so much fun. And you can tell each other secrets and talk in there and say stuff. It gives you interesting things to think about. It's kind of like a diary but a little different.

What have been some of your favorite entries:
I like thinking about stuff we can do on holidays--St. Patrick's Day, Valentine's Day, and Christmas. I like learning about each other, too. I also like writing about when we both were little. I liked writing about what I am good at, too. I like it when my mom asks questions.

What advice would you give to someone starting a project like this?
I'd tell them that you'd love to do it because it keeps you from being bored. It's good to do when your homework is done. If you had a friend over one day, you could journal with them. You can journal with anyone you want to. Your brother or sister could get their own journal so that they can journal with your mom.

Any tips for our readers?
*You should use a lot of colors to write with. Use a pen to write with because pencil markings are harder to see.
*You have to have a good mind to ask questions because sometimes you don't know what to ask. So, don't worry about writing every day.
*If you just met someone, ask them what they like to do because you want to know more.
*If you are journaling with your mom, ask her what she'd like to do one day. Or just write about interesting stuff. Anything that you want to write about.

So there you have it. I'd be interested in how others use their journals to write2connect!

Write2Dump

2010-03-11T15:37:00.000-06:00

When we moved into our home, the cement pot with the green trim was already there. The pot quickly became a favorite spot to plant petunias. In the summer, we'd often end the day by watering the flowers and then sitting on the steps, near the pot, to appreciate the early evening warmth. As you can see from the photo at left, it also became a great place for pictures. Every time my daughter had a brand new outfit, we'd pose her right there, next to the purple petunias.

Last fall, that all came to an end. I woke up one Saturday morning—my favorite day of the week—to the scene you see below: a smashed pot. No doubt some drunken college student thought it would be a funny prank. I didn't. And while the event didn't ruin my day, it certainly made an impact on me. I couldn't avoid the scene of the smashed pot on the front sidewalk.

Sometimes life is like that. We wake up hoping for a happy, carefree day—and life hands us broken stuff. The write2build task has been harder than I thought it would be. Despite my plan to write about my strengths, broken stuff kept showing up in my life. My daughter got sick, dashing any hopes of getting work completed. Another friend moved away. Mother nature handed us day after day of gray, gloomy days. I'd show up at my journal planning to chronicle my strengths and end up complaining. I was mad at my life and mad at myself for not being able to write my way out of it.

But then it hit me. Before I could write2build, I had to write2dump and write2release. Once I paid attention to the broken stuff, I could write2build. Learn from me, dear writers. Pay attention to what your soul needs. We're still writing about our strengths, but if you need to vent, do it! Write2dump, write2thank, or write2build—do what works for you!

This past week, singer Brandi Carlile and Indigo Girl Emily Saliers released a new song called, Let it Go. In the chorus, they sing some good advice for those of us who are writing2transform:

and that old time war of words,
just the sermon in your head,
Let it go, let it go, let it go

Blessings writers!

Write2Build

2010-03-08T11:21:00.000-06:00

The last five days have been a whirlwind of activity—finishing up an editing project, getting my son ready for National History Day, and speaking at the UWM Spring Writer's Festival. Between the public events, I was baking cookies, doing laundry, and answering email. With all that going on, I forgot to journal—not just once but twice!

And guess what? I missed it. I write nearly every day professionally. But journaling is different. Anais Nin said, "We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection." Journaling allows me to sit at the feet of my own life and learn from it. When I don't journal, I feel disconnected from my own life.

For the past four or five days, we've practiced write2forgive or write2release. And didn't that feel good? I loved letting go of all that yucky stuff that has been clogging up my mind for years. Today we turn to writing to discover our strengths and make sense of our successes or write2build.

According to a recent Gallup study, 99% of workers whose managers focused on their strengths were engaged in their work and productive. Recent studies in psychology and education have validated the importance of working from and on our strengths rather than “shoring up” our weaknesses.

Most of us have rich descriptions for our problems. We can talk endlessly about our flaws—physical, emotional, and intellectual. We often diminish our own role in achieving success, attributing our hard-won successes to luck.

Is that you? Can you talk for hours about your failures but brush off your successes? Do you underestimate your strengths? I know that I do. Well, no more! For the next few days, we will write about our strengths. When thinking about strengths, I like the definition that educator Jenifer Fox uses: talents plus passion equals strength. If something we do is truly a strength, then we are going to be good at it and feel energized when we do it.

There are many ways to write2build. Here are a few ideas:

1. List all of your achievements. You might even want to create a timeline in your journal, recording all of your successes.

2. Look at your significant successes—graduating from college, losing weight, or achieving a promotion at work. Describe in rich detail the strengths and skills that you used to achieve these successes.

3. Create a list of your strengths. Write about how you have used or will use your strengths. If you have trouble getting a list of strengths, take one of the strengths inventories, such as the VIA Character Strengths Inventory.

4. Make yourself into a superhero. Come up with your own superhero identity based on your strengths. Describe yourself, your super powers, and your adventures in detail. You might even want to add pictures.

I'm including a link to a book that I've found helpful in exploring my strengths, Strengths Based Leadership.

As always, I look forward to hearing how this great journaling adventure is going for you!

Write2Forgive, Write2Release

2010-03-03T09:58:00.001-06:00

Big confession: I didn't like the last exercise. Instead of honoring my morning writing time, I put off journaling until later in the day. I didn't want to start my day by delving into difficult past experiences. I'd procrastinate until the last possible minute. When I did get to writing, I'd turn on the television to keep me company. Not something I'd recommend! It's too distracting. But that was the point—I wanted a distraction. I didn't want to give my full attention to writing about the past. Oh, I'll revisit the icky stuff in my mind—sometimes multiple times a day. But I didn't want to write about it.

Writing to make meaning of the past gives us the opportunity to let go of all that has hurt us and move on. Rehashing the same events keeps us stuck. We cannot appreciate the present or envision the future because we're prisoners to the past. Here's how I put it in my eBook, Seven Simple Strategies for Transforming Your Life Right Now:

We spend much of our precious present mulling over what should of, could have, would have been if only we had or she had or he had done whatever. It should come as no surprise that people who ruminate over the past—play it like a movie in their heads day in and day out—usually feel more depressed and anxious than those who don’t.

We let go of the past when we forgive ourselves and others. We cannot say yes to today when we are burdened by the pains of our past. We need to accept—and forgive—the past. Most of us have struggled with health and relationship difficulties, encountered

work problems, and faced disappointments. Some of us have experienced great tragedy and trauma in our pasts. We all need to come to terms with our pasts—to unhitch our lives from the difficult past experiences that bind them. As novelist Gina Berriault said, “Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.” Another person defined

forgiveness as, “giving up what is rightfully ours.” When we forgive a debt, we release

the other person from paying us the money that is rightfully ours. When we forgive someone who has hurt us, we let go of our right to blame him or her. When we forgive ourselves, we let go of the regret and self-punishment that we feel we deserve.

So here's the next journaling challenge: write2forgive and write2release. Dig into the attic of your past, and clear out the frustrations, failures, and hurts. Forgive yourself and others. Here's one way to do it:

Make a list of everyone you are mad at: people, institutions, and situations. Then make a list of the failures you remind yourself of regularly. For each item on your list, write a sentence something like this:

I forgive _______ for _______. I release it.

If you cannot do this exercise for whatever reason, don't give up on journaling! Go back to one of the previous exercises. Or simply write 3 pages about anything. Julia Cameron calls this morning pages. I call it write2dump. Whatever name you give it, the purpose is the same: get your thoughts and feelings out of your head and onto the paper.

I'll be back in a few days with a new exercise for you. Until then: write on!

Write2Transform: This Works!

2010-02-25T10:57:00.002-06:00

I have big news for you all: this journaling stuff really works.

Yeah, I know I've only been journaling for nine days. Still, I've experienced some shifts in my life. When I started this adventure, I was down with a stomach virus. On Monday, after five days of gratitude journaling, I woke up with the sniffles and the all-too-familiar twinge of anxiety in my stomach. Yikes.

Since then, I've been practicing the write2delight exercises. Each day, I've used multi-colored pens to record the activities, people, and places that delight me! After I make my list, I write about how I might do more of the stuff I love each day.

After four days of write2delight, I feel better physically and emotionally. My sniffles have disappeared. I still have a to-do list that would crush an Olympic weightlifter, but I don't feel as daunted by it. And a few of the things on my list have showed up in my life. (Yeah, I know this sounds kind of woo-woo. So be it.) I was asked to write an article about the Dream Keepers, my writing group for tweens and teens. I received an invitation take a class on teaching writing and art—on fellowship! A work assignment gave me the opportunity to write about another topic that interests me. Wow!

In the book Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill said, "Reduce your plan to writing. The moment you complete this, you will have definitely given concrete form to the intangible desire." Every time I have put one of my project ideas into writing, opportunities have shown up like metals to magnet. I cannot explain it. I can't prove it. But it works. The write2delight assignment reminded me of this. For that reason, I'll probably keep writing about my delicious plans, even as I take on the next writing intervention.

Research by psychologist James Pennebaker has shown that people who used writing to make sense of their traumatic life experiences had the long-lasting effect of feeling happier and less anxious. Here's what happened. Pennebaker asked his subjects to write for fifteen  minutes a day on four consecutive days. Half of the group members wrote about a difficult or traumatic event in their lives. The other half of the group, the control group, was asked to write about their day or to  describe their living environment. A year later, he examined the subject's medical records. The people who wrote about their difficult experiences were healthier than the others. What made the difference? According to Pennebaker, it was the meaning-making that mattered. The people who showed increased insight into their difficult situation during the four days stayed healthier than those who simply wrote about their feelings or the color of their carpet.

In a study conducted with asthma patients at the State University of New York, Stony Brook, School of Medicine, study participants wrote about their most stressful experiences. The control group wrote about their daily activities. According to the book Asthma Free in 21 Days, 47 percent of the patients who wrote about their challenging life experiences showed improvement in lung function that could not be attributed to medication or other factors. 24 percent of the control group showed improvement as well. (See Shafer and Greenfield, Asthma Free in 21 Days, p. 139) Notice this: both groups improved their lung function through writing.

Okay, so here's the challenge. For the next four days, write for twenty minutes each day about a difficult event in your life. In your writing, try to make meaning out of the experience. Ask yourself:

What personal strengths did I use to cope with and overcome this challenge?
What did I learn about myself?
Who helped me and supported me in the midst of this experience?
What random acts of kindness did I experience during this time?
What good things have come out of this experience?
What parts of my experience have helped me support or understand others?
In what ways has this experience enriched my life?
In what ways has this event deepened my understanding of life and other people?

One warning before you begin: Pennebaker found that participants felt worse IMMEDIATELY after writing about a difficult past event. But, these feelings did dissipate and, in the long term, the participants who did the therapeutic writing were healthier, better able to function in daily life, and has a better sense of personal well-being. My advice: plan to engage in one of your delicious daily delights after you've finished the daily journaling. Take a walk, call a friend, listen to music—anything that brightens your day.

And, as always, if you have journaling ideas to share or exciting improvements to report, the comment box is always open!

Write2delight

2010-02-22T12:27:00.001-06:00

I woke up this morning with that all-too-familiar Monday morning angst. I'm not worried about my week, but my gut was in a panic. Before I even got out of bed, I was making to-do lists in my head: editing, writing, speaking, blogging, AHHH! Then my brain attacked me with a long list of should-have-dones and if onlys: I should have started on the editing this weekend, I should have written my presentation, if only I didn't have jury duty next week. Finally, the worry hit: would I be able to do it all? Out with the gratitude and in with the bad attitude.

Day six of the great write2transform journaling challenge, and I am anxious? This isn't how it's supposed to be! I'm supposed to be feeling happy and well. And the thing is: I do. Well, mostly I do—except for that little bout of Monday morning angst.

Maybe my angst came from anticipating the next journaling exercise: write2overcome. Much of the research on journaling has examined how journaling about difficult past events can make us healthier. I spent some time this weekend reviewing the studies and jotting down ideas for journaling about the past. But the idea of starting out Monday morning by revisiting the icky parts of my life? Well, no thanks.

So we'll get to the past later. This morning I saw a report that positive emotions protect against heart disease. We know that positive emotions can also increase our resilience, helping us to rebound from difficult experiences. In her book, Positivity, Dr. Barbara Fredrickson suggests we aim for a 3-to-1 ratio—three positive emotions for every one negative emotion.

Let's try that with journaling. For today and the next few days, the assignment is simple: write2deight. I envision a few different ways to do this exercise in your journal. As you think of others, please make a note of them in the comments section below. We can learn from each other's experiences.

1. Collecting Joy. Throughout the day, collect images and encounters that bring you joy. When it's time to journal, write them down in as much detail as possible! None of these encounters have to be Hollywood moments. They can be tiny moments that delight you—seeing a robin, waving at a baby, or talking to a good friend.

2. Recalling Delight. What delights you? What activities do you really enjoy doing? Dr. Robin Smith suggests creating a 'What I Enjoy' List. She says,
"This list should include everything that brings you pleasure and passion in life. If you aren't sure what brings you joy right now, think back to what used to bring you joy. This may require some exploration, but what did you do when you were a little kid that brought a smile on your face? Did you used to go horseback riding? Walk outside in a garden? Whatever it may be, write it down. This list doesn't mean that you have to do them every day. It's just to make you aware that there are things in the world that do make you feel alive. If you are able to do something you enjoy at least once a week, do it and help yourself feel alive in that moment."

3. Picturing Happiness. When you cannot find one thing in your day that brings a smile, dig out a magazine. Page through it until you see a photo that makes you smile. Cut it out, paste it in your journal, and write a few sentences about why it brings you joy.

Wow. I feel happier already, just imagining doing these exercises. Go forth, brave friends, and write2delight. Then stop back and let me know how it goes!

write2thank

2010-02-19T09:15:00.000-06:00

I've spent the last four days sleeping, reading John Sandford novels, and watching HGTV. While I appreciated the rest, I'm delighted to be up and eating and ready to talk words!

A few of you have asked for more details about the write2transform project. First, why Lent? I spent the first part of my working life as a parish minister. Though my primary work is outside of the church, the rhythms of the church year have stuck with me. Lent is a good time to take on a practice that has the power to transform our lives. But worry not: you can do the write2transform challenge anytime you want. AND, you can write about anything you want. Do your own thing or follow along with the blog. I'll be suggesting journaling exercises based on studies from positive psychology. I'll also be recommending books and other tools.

Second, what kind of a journal? Use what you like to write on. I mostly use a Moleskine journal (link below). When I want to do collage or art journaling, I dig out my 8 1/2 x 11" sketchbook. Use what works for you.

Finally, when I decided to do the write2transform project, I set some rules for myself. They might be helpful for you, too.
*I'm planning to journal only 10-20 minutes a day. I want to see if a doable amount of journaling will improve my health and mood!
*I have a set time each day to journal. You've heard me say it before: we get more done when we know the when and where of a task. If you decide to do the journaling challenge, figure out when and where you will write.
*I hope to try a new intervention every four days or so. I will be blogging about the practice when I begin, so that I can give you some tips and tools for your own journaling. Four days later, I'll blog about how it went and introduce a new tool.

The first intervention I am trying is writing2thank or gratitude journaling. I've been reading the book, Thanks: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier by Robert A. Emmons. Professor Emmons and his colleague Professor Mike McCullough have conducted many gratitude studies. The first looked at the effects of gratitude journaling. All of the participants kept a journal and were asked to write a sentence a week for ten weeks. The first group described five things they were grateful for. The second group described five hassles. The neutral group simply listed five things that had affected them in the past week. After ten weeks, the gratitude group was 25% happier than the other participants. In addition, the gratitude group:
*felt better about their lives
*were more optimistic about the future
*reported fewer health complaints
*spent more time exercising (1.5 hours more per week)
(Emmons, p. 30)

WOW!

So how does this gratitude journaling work? Every day, list three to five things you are grateful for. Emmons advises readers to keep it fresh. Don't list the same things every single day. Consider how you are thankful for the difficult experiences in your life, either those you face right now or the ones you have overcome. Use your senses to expand your list of the things you are grateful for—what do you touch, taste, smell, hear, or see that fills you with gratitude? Mentally walk through your day and thank all the people who supported you, from the bus driver who got you safely to work to the sandwich shop worker who prepared your lunch.

After you have done the basic step, challenge yourself to consider why of each blessing. We spend a good deal of time complaining about the difficult things in our lives. We ask, "Why me?" about so much of our lives: why did I get sick, why didn't I get the promotion, why did he break up with me, or why did that car cut me off? But we rarely ask why about the good things. Take a few moments at the end of your journaling session to write about why each of the blessings on your list came your way today.

So that's it. I'll be back in a couple of days with another assignment. In the meantime, write, write, write!

write2transform

2010-02-17T07:42:00.002-06:00

I've needed a big old life-transforming project for awhile now. Especially today! For the last few days I've been sidelined by a nasty stomach virus. Eeek. Right now, I'm a bit of a couch potato. But here's my life-transforming plan: For the next 40 days, I will try many of the major journaling interventions studied by psychologists. I’ll be blogging about the tools as well as offering tips and resources so that you can journal with me. I will also report on my progress, letting you know if journaling daily transforms my life.

Here's what the research says journaling is supposed to do:

*Improve memory and sleep

*Boost immune cell activity

*Speed healing after surgery

*Increase general feelings of well being

* Support you in achieving your goals

*Increase longevity

I'm starting with writing2thank. I'll let you know how it goes in a few days. But right now, I'm going back to bed, thankful for indoor plumbing, heat, and a good book!

Getting it Done: What I Learned from NaNoWriMo

2009-12-01T09:34:00.007-06:00

National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) ended Monday at midnight. The challenge? Write a 50,000-word novel in 30 days. According to the NaNoWriMo Web site, about 19% of the 150,000 participants (about 30,000 people) won the challenge. I'm delighted to report that on my second go at NaNoWriMo (I tried and gave up in 2007), I'm one of the winners. I crossed the finish line at 50,316 words around 11:00 AM Saturday morning. Here's what I learned about Getting It Done from the NaNoWriMo experience:

1. Get A Big Hairy Audacious Goal (BHAG). Research has demonstrated that we have a better chance of achieving goals that are both challenging and specific. 80% of Americans SAY they want to write a book someday. In order to actually write the book, they need to shift their vague goal (I want to write a book someday) to something more specific (I am writing a novel about Ninja Warriors ). You want to get something done? Dream big and put it in writing. Make your goal specific and measurable.

2. Get a Deadline. Your big hairy audacious and specific goal means nothing unless you also have a deadline. Chris Baty, the founder of NaNoWriMo, says that the deadline separates most authors from getting their books written. I believe it. It's too easy to give up on something that you do not have a public, accountable deadline for. National Novel Writing Month provided a deadline for me and thousands of other writers this past November. What's your deadline for achieving your BHAG?

3. Add Mile Markers. Marathon runners keep track of their progress by watching for the mile markers posted along the marathon route. You can up your chances of achieving a goal if you have your own version of mile markers. During NaNoWriMo, I measured my progress by keeping track of my word count at the NaNoWriMo site. I did not have to worry or guess if I was on the right track. I knew what word count I needed to achieve each day, and the counter helped me stay honest about my progress. How will you measure your progress toward your goal?

4. Buddies Help. My gym buddies make it impossible for me to skip a day at the gym. They notice and comment on every missed session. Having NaNoWriMo buddies—fellow writers determined to win the challenge—helped me through the month. Knowing that they were knocking themselves out trying to finish gave me courage, hope, and the energy to keep going. Social psychologists have proven that we tend to achieve more if we hang out with high achieving friends. If your friends are achieving their BHAGs, you will be more likely to achieve yours, too! If you want to get it done, get connected to people who are getting it done.

5. Dump Your Excuses. Despite my track record of disciplined writing, I can throw out excuses with the best of them: I'm too tired. I'm sick. The kids are sick. I have too much work to do. I can do it later. (Can you hear the whine?) I can fool myself into believing that these aren't just miserable little excuses but real reasons I cannot get to my BHAG just yet. This past month, I wrote through a cold, my kids' colds, my children puking, work deadlines, and more. All good excuses for not writing. Not one of them good enough reasons to dump this project. If you're passionate about getting something done, wrestle those excuses to the ground. Don't let them get in your way.

6. Let Go of Time Wasters. You do not need to put your life on hold to achieve the Big Hairy Audacious Goal. You can still play with your children, have coffee with friends, and go to work. You will need to clear out some of the activities that waste your time. You'll be amazed at how much more time you have when you aren't surfing the net, playing video games, texting, or watching television. Want to get to that big hairy audacious goal? Give up just one time-waster a day. Spend that time working on your goal. See if it makes a difference.

7. Hurting? Worry Not: No Pain, No Gain! It is not easy to write a book in 30 days. By the end of the month, I felt like I had run a real marathon. I was ready for a rest. According to recent research, when we exert energy to master a skill, we will experience stress. BUT, in the long run, we will feel healthier and happier because we stretched our intellectual and emotional muscles. So even if you feel a little bit stressed as you work toward your goal, know that you will feel happier when you finish!

8. Get Connected to the REAL REWARD! When I finished NaNoWriMo, I got a few prizes: a certificate and the funky little NaNoWriMo winner badge you see above. Several friends and NaNo buddies gave me virtual high-fives. But mostly, the world kept spinning without any notice of me and my big achievement. And guess what: that did not matter. The joy I felt in achieving my goal came from achieving my goal and not from any kudos I collected from others. Achieving your big hairy audacious goal IS the real reward. You feel proud of yourself. You stand up a bit straighter. YOU did it!

Now that NaNoWriMo is over, I'm looking toward setting my next BHAG. NaNo taught me a lot about how to do it, so I have no doubt I will succeed. Now it's your turn. Go forth and set big goals! You can do it.

How to Become a Writer

2009-11-09T13:40:00.006-06:00

Following me will make you rich.

—Twitter Post

I received the above message from a colleague on Twitter. I admire the person's moxie. That's quite a claim—big riches for the simple act of following another.

I wish I could offer similar sentiments for my own field:

following me will make you a writer.

But here's the deal: following me on Twitter, reading my blog posts, or even subscribing to my Write Now! Tips will NOT make you a writer. (It also won't make you happier, richer, or give you whiter teeth.)

Following me might make you a better writer. I offer lots of tips and advice and resources about writing. But following me will not make you a writer any more than watching the olympics will make you an athlete.

The only way to become a writer is to write. Write a lot. Write every time you have a free second. Write even if you don't get published. That is how you become a writer. As Aristotle said, "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit."

By the way: I've been a twitter follower of the person who promised me riches for over a month now. I'm still waiting to get rich. That's okay. I can write while I wait.

Search the Net, Get SMARTER!

2009-10-20T17:38:00.003-05:00

Did you hear about the big study that came out of UCLA today? Scientists have discovered that in middle-aged and older adults, searching the net might just improve brain function. (Who said an old dog can't learn new tricks???)

Here's what happened. Participants had to do Web searches and read books while getting functional magnetic resonance imaging scans. The scans recorded what was happening in the brain during the participants' activity. Everyone who participated showed significant activity in their brain while reading a book. But only the web-saavy participants showed activity in the decision-making and complex reasoning parts of the brain.

Cool fact #1: The scientists found that Internet searching engages—in their words—"a greater extent of neural circuitry that is not activated during reading."

Cool fact #2: Those participants who had some experience searching the Internet had a twofold increase in brain activation when compared to those who had little or no experience online.

Key learning: Our brains can grow and learn new things as we age.

Read the whole press release online.

Then go do an Internet search. Just think: you are growing your brain while you surf!

The Right Now! Notes Book and Music Issue

2009-07-17T19:15:00.005-05:00

Actually that's THE GREAT BIG RIGHT NOW! NOTES BOOK AND MUSIC ISSUE. Because it's all that—great, big, and filled with books and music. If you need a book to transform your life, a good beach read, or a song that will rock your world—click here to read my summer book and music issue! Enjoy!

(And, by the way. If you want to get my monthly newsletter—filled with tips to transform your life Right Now—delivered into your email inbox, visit my Web site and sign up. You'll get a cool little ebook as my gift to you!)

Smarter than a Scientist: What NOT to Do with a Feeding Tube

2009-07-08T16:35:00.005-05:00

On February 1, 2008, our daughter Elly was put on a feeding tube. She has failure-to-thrive, and the feeding tube would help her reach a healthy weight. We thought this would be very temporary. Eighteen months later, she is still on the tube. We have great hopes that she will be off this thing within the next six months. In the meantime, we are finding ways to cope.

A few weeks ago, as summer moved into high gear, we started talking about life with the tube. Elly came up with the idea of writing a list of things NOT to do with a feeding tube. We've been working on it together ever since. Elly decided that it would make a great entry for her "smarter than a scientist" blog post. So here is our list—complete with pictures—about what NOT to do with your feeding tube (if you should ever have one). I hope you'll enjoy reading the list of naughty acts as much as we enjoyed imagining them. As we chose the pictures for this post, Elly said to me: "It's fun to work on projects together." I agree.

What NOT to Do with a Feeding Tube

by Elly and her mom

1. Mow the lawn (see photo above).

2. Jump off the sofa.

3. Jump off your mom or dad who is on the sofa.

4. Be wild.

5. Run around your brother, wrapping him in the feeding tube.

6. Play jump rope with your feeding tube!
7. Knit your feeding tube into a scarf.

8. Pull your feeding tube like taffy!

9. Squeeze the bag like a tube of toothpaste.

10. Detach it and drink out of it.

11. Detach it and make your brother drink out of it.

12. Ride your scooter with it attached.

13. Tease the bees with the Pediasure. (They'll chase you!)
14. Ride your bike with your feeding tube attached.

15. Use it as a glasses case for your mother's glasses.

16. String your brother's guitar.

17. Cut it up and cook it. (Eek!)

18. Use it as a flotation device.

19. Wear it as a necklace.

20. Use it as a pillow.

21. Wear it as a headband.

22. Eat the tube (or the handle)!
The End!

Walking Graces

2009-05-14T11:54:00.007-05:00

If you are walking to seek, ye shall find.

~Sommeil Liberosensa

Feeling overwhelmed by the daily demands of life—and who doesn't???—I picked up the book Sabbath by Wayne Muller. I'd read it ten years ago, when it first came out. Back then, I raced through the book, gobbling up the ideas like hot popcorn. Now, I am taking my time with the book. Don't assume that I'm reading more slowly because I'm wiser. Hardly. It's that I rarely have time to read. In other words, I need a sabbath to read Sabbath.

I did get far enough in the book to read about the Sabbath Walk. According to Muller, this is a slow and silent thirty-minute walk. He says this about the practice, "Follow your own timing and curiosity. When you are called to stop, stop and investigate. When you are called to begin again, simply move on. That is all."

I love the idea of wandering for thirty-minutes, on the lookout for miracles. I'm enchanted with the thought of walking without purpose. But I need a guide. Left to my own devices, I will always be intent on getting somewhere or becoming fit or, at the very least, thinking over big ideas.

I live with a couple of children who are happy to wander aimlessly through the world. Thankfully, they are still willing to let me tag along. When I allow my children to take me on a walk, I am surprised by the miracles they find. Dogs, dandelions, rocks, and (as you can see above) another family out for a walk. But maybe the biggest miracle is this: instead of moving onto the next big thing, we stopped and watched. We took a sabbath moment.

This week, take ten minutes to wander around the block or through a park. See what you uncover—in the world and in your soul.

RESOURCES:

Brandi Carlile's song, Have You Ever, provides a wonderful soundtrack for the wandering walk. Take a moment to listen to it. It's a catchy reminder to get out and walk!

I've also provided a link to Wayne Muller's wonderful book Sabbath. A must-have for the world-weary among us!

Skating Lessons

2009-03-30T09:38:00.004-05:00

My daughter just started taking skating lessons at the Petit National Ice Center. Can you guess what the instructors teach first at this Olympic training center? They teach the students how to get up.

I love this. We all fall. What separates those who succeed from those who don't? Getting up. Those who succeed get up over and over again. The rest sit on the ice and whine:

"It's too hard."

"No one supports me."

"Why do I keep falling?"

Last week I listened to creativity expert Sir Ken Robinson's TED talk. He said, "If you're not prepared to be wrong, you'll never come up with anything original."

In other words, those who succeed are willing to create something that others may mock (or worse). Scary! Most of us want the approval of other people. Once we know (or think we know) what pleases our audience, we do it over and over again.

This week, try something different. Take a risk with your work. Get curious. Be willing to produce something you cannot use. As Samuel Beckett said, "Ever tried? Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better."

Just remember this: get up and try again. Like the old proverb says, "Fall seven times. Stand up eight."

Smarter than a Scientist

2009-03-20T10:04:00.002-05:00

We'd had one of those terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days (thank you Judith Viorst for creating that amazing phrase).

In the midst of this, my seven-year-old daughter piped up: "When you are having a bad day, do something you love. You'll feel better."

She's right, of course. Participating in activities we are passionate about DOES help us to feel happier. But most of us slog through life checking chores off our to-do list and forget about the stuff that once delighted us. When we get to the end of our terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days, we pour ourselves a glass of something, dig into the chips, and veg out in front of the television.

In honor of the first day of spring, I'm challenging you to do something different. Make a list of ten activities that engage and inspire you. Think about the last few times you felt that first-day-of-spring, new-possibilities feeling. What were you doing? Wandering around an art museum, digging in the dirt, working on your car, or walking in the woods? Put it down on the list!

The next time you're having one of those days, stop working and do something that delights you. As my daughter says, you'll feel better!

Speaking of my daughter. After she gave her sage advice, I asked if she would help me out with the blog. She suggested I call her blog posts, "Smarter than a Scientist" because—as she said—"I am."

If you are looking for more young wisdom, check out young Alexander in Judith Viorst's book, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

Good News

2009-03-02T10:05:00.004-06:00

I woke up this morning feeling uneasy. It took a few minutes to figure out why. And then I remembered. I'd broken my long-standing news fast. On Friday, I checked into a hotel to work on my new book proposal. This hotel had two perks I don't get at home: a daily newspaper and cable television. On Saturday night, after a day and a half of work, my daughter joined me for a night of girl time. While she watched The Disney Channel, I read the paper. Bad idea.

After all that news, the words in my head this morning were not the usual hopeful ones. Instead of thinking about my morning writing work, I was recalling dire predictions. As I drove my daughter to school and lifted weights at the YMCA, my brain kept remembering phrases like:

dismal possibilities
difficult publishing landscape
staggering losses
lowest since ...
worst in 34 years ...

Before long, I was beginning to think, "Well, why bother?" Why bother writing a book, why bother building a business, why bother doing ANYTHING when the economic climate is so tough?

I'm not going to tell you that the economic climate is peachy. It isn't. It's a mess. Not an unfixable mess, but a mess.

But I am going to answer the question, "Why bother?"

Why bother? Because the world needs you now more than ever. In difficult economic times, the world needs you to speak your hopeful words, write your books, play your music, make art, bake bread, and work on that business dream.

The world needs some good news. Why shouldn't it come from you???

I'm creating my own antidote to the daily dose of bad news. On Sunday morning, my daughter and I each wrote down five things we were grateful for about each other. You can see her drawing above. The practice helped us both to feel better. So now I am expanding it. Every night I write in my journal three pieces of good news—ideas, people, places, or events that brought me hope that day.

I'll let you know how that goes. But right now, I need to get back to working on my book. After all, the world needs more good news! :-)

In the meantime, check out the movie Seabiscuit. The movie was a great reminder that the situation does not have to be perfect (the economy, our health, our age, or experience) in order to achieve success.

What's YOUR biggest goal?

2009-02-10T07:24:00.002-06:00

Last week I received an email from one of my Mastermind partners, Caroline Miller. She asked, "What's your biggest goal for 2009?"

I have goals—plenty of them. I even have a priority system for my goals—so I know which ones I want and need to accomplish first. But I hadn't thought in terms of size. I hadn't decided which of my big goals I absolutely positively wanted to accomplish this year. Caroline's question changed that. Now I know—I want to finish my book proposal and get it to an agent.

That question changed the way I function in my daily life. Once I had my big goal in mind, I blocked out daily calendar time to work on it. I gave myself a due date. Both of my mastermind partners, my family, and a few friends know that I'm hard at work on this goal. They hold me accountable to it.

Daily, I do what I can do toward accomplishing my goals. Not every day is perfect. Sometimes I'm worried about my kids or working on another deadline. I'm cold or hungry or tired. (Or distracted by Facebook and Twitter.)

In the midst of life's imperfections, I hold in my mind the picture of my daughter above, working in what she calls "her office." She gets lost in making art—even though she is on a throw rug on the floor, with her brother cranking up ACDC's music. Watching her, I let go of my expectations for the perfect writing day. I put my butt in the desk chair and write—no matter what.

So how about you. What's your biggest goal for 2009? Name it, claim it, and get going!

If your biggest goal has to do with writing, join my new Write Now Mastermind Group.

No matter what your goal, check out Caroline's new book, Creating Your Best Life. It'll help you set the big goals and achieve them. Promise!

Pause

2009-01-14T10:57:00.004-06:00

About a year ago I bought this PAUSE mug, to remind myself to do just that. On most days, my work and family life are so busy that I don't have time to pause for coffee with a friend or beading a necklace or even to engage in my passion—creative writing.

Oh I write—every day. But most of my writing falls into the professional, have-to-do-it-for-work category. Don't get me wrong: I love every minute of it. I also love the work I do with clients. And I love connecting with people from all over the world online—it rocks. But still, I long to work on my memoir and to finish my novel.

As a coach, I know that the person who needs to be most committed to getting to this work is ME. So this year, I decided to make it happen. Today I mailed in my application for an artists' residency program. If accepted, I'll get to put my work and family life on PAUSE for two weeks and finish writing my memoir. And I'll be able to connect with other writers, visual artists, and musicians who are doing the same.

But that's just the beginning. I'll be applying for other residencies this year, as well. The list is made, and the deadlines are on my to do list.

What if I don't get in? Then I go to PLAN B. I'll rent a friend's vacation home. Or do a Priceline bid at a hotel. However or wherever it happens, I'm taking the time to finish my book. As with many writers, I write because I need to. It's how I figure out life.

Last night, my daughter was singing with joy. She said to me, "Mom, singing gives me so much energy!" That's how it is with passions. They energize us.

Now it's your turn: what is your passion? How will you PAUSE and pursue your passion in 2009. Make a plan! And then leave a comment. I'd love to hear how you are making your dreams come true.

How to Read More in 2009

2009-01-05T12:06:00.004-06:00

I've been faithfully keeping track of the books I've read since 1993. Most years I manage to log two books a week. Some years, I've been able to read three books a week.

How about you? Is reading a book—or just reading more—one of your New Year's Resolutions? As a lifelong and persistent reader, here are my tips on how to get more reading done right now!

First, make sure you have books! Support and use your public library. It offers all of us equal access to books. That said, it’s helpful to have a few books of your own for snowstorms and sick days. I encourage clients to develop a small library of must-read professional books and resources and a stack of fun or interesting books. If you don't have a lot of cash to buy books, shop your library's annual book sale. You can get the best bargains on books! If you have a Half-Price Books in your town, check out their large selection of clearance books at $1-$3 each.

Second, make your books accessible!

• Keep your books in sight—seeing reminds you to read. I try to keep a book in every room.
• Always keep a book in the bathroom.
• Keep a book in the car (or on your person) for the times you end up waiting. This turns the dentist’s waiting room or the time you spend waiting for kids at soccer or ballet into reading time.

Third, find the time to read.

Here are some tricks that work for me and my clients:
• Get up 30 minutes earlier than your family and use the time for a quiet breakfast and reading.
• Read while you exercise. But be safe! Though I’ve seen others read on treadmills and elliptical gliders (and while walking outside! Yikes!), I only recommend reading on a stationary bicycle.
• Commute to work and read on the bus or train.
• Read during your lunch hour.
• Set aside work time each week to catch up on the reading you do for your profession.
• Replace one hour of email or computer time with reading.
• Tape or TiVo all television shows—and get back 20 minutes per hour show to read!
• Stop watching television a little earlier (or start watching a little later), and take back an hour or more for reading.

• Dedicate one afternoon (or day) per week (or month) as a reading retreat—and head out to a coffee shop, park, or library to read.

Consider the audio option. Audio books make it possible to “read” while running, driving, cleaning the house, crafting, cooking dinner and more.

Give it time. Reading is a habit that takes time to establish—like exercising and eating well. My final bit of advice will help you ease into it: start with a book that rocks your world. Don’t try to devour War and Peace if you haven’t read anything since college. You’ll just get frustrated. Instead, pick up a book that makes you forget the time. You’ll get hooked. I promise!

Need more help?
Buy my favorite new book: Creating Your Best Life: The Ultimate Life List Guide. Full disclosure: this book was written by my longtime friend, colleague, and mastermind partner, Caroline Miller. Although I like most everything Caroline writes, I think this is her best book so far. She combines solid information from her study of positive psychology (she has a Masters of Applied Positive Psychology from Penn) with great coaching tips. Creating Your Best Life is jam-packed with information on on how you can achieve your goals and increase your feelings of happiness, whether you want to read 50 books or run a marathon (or both) this year! If you want more help achieving your 2009 goals, pick up this book right now. You won't be disappointed!

Happy New Year!

2008-12-31T10:27:00.003-06:00

Like every other coach and blogger in the universe, I planned to blog about how to let go of 2008 and embrace 2009. And it would have been great. Trust me on that. I've been reading a lot of really important science about what makes us happier.

But then my daughter wanted to play hide and seek. We did. The opportunity for a nap came up. I took it. At 4:00, I was mixing up a quick batch of chocolate chip cookies and sipping some red wine (they go together brilliantly). In the midst of mixing, the true secret to being happy came to me: stay in the flow.

Remember being a kid at play? If you liked what you were doing, you could spend hours engaged in an activity you were playing. You'd lose track of time. You might even forget to eat or use the bathroom. That's what positive psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls FLOW. (Sorry, I could not resist the science.)

As a parent, I get to witness flow every day. See the photo above? That's the result of my daughter getting in the flow—playing beauty shop with her dad. Watching my children get in the flow reminds me to do the same.

So go ahead and write those New Year's resolutions. Then try this, too:

1. Make a list of all of the times in your life you've experienced flow.

What were you doing? Were there any supporting circumstances? (For example, a writer might remember experiencing flow when on a writer's retreat but not at her home office.)

2. Review the list. Ask yourself, "What experiences do I want to have more of in the New Year?"

3. Schedule your flow experiences. (Yeah, I know—it seems weird to schedule flow. But if you don't put it on the calendar, it might not happen.)

4. Create an environment that supports your flow experience.

I get in the flow when I bead. But, for the past few years, I've kept all of my beads in a closet in my office. If I wanted to bead, I'd have to drag them all out, set them up, and then put them away before work the next day. This year I decided to set up a beading table in our library, where I could leave out both my beads and my projects. I'm more likely to have a flow experience because my environment supports me.

5. Repeat daily!

Have a Joyful New Year!

Rochelle, the Right Now! Coach

The Living Nativity

2008-12-24T10:15:00.000-06:00

For years, we'd set up the Nativity, and with the exception of those camels (who fall easily), it would sit—perfectly—until we took it down in January. When our son was born, we wondered if he'd want to play with it. He didn't. It sat as perfectly still as ever.

Then came Elly. Ever since she was old enough to reach the Nativity set, she's played with it. Never mind that she has two sets of her own. She likes this one. I'll often find her standing next to it, moving the figures around as if they were her dolls.

Lately I've noticed that every time I pass by, the figures are set up differently. One day, I saw Joseph far from the manger, hanging out with a shepherd. I asked, "What's up with this?"

Elly responded, "Oh, they're having a conversation."

The first two photos above were taken last night. The whole mess of figures were piled up—kind of like the pile of players that develops at the end of a sports game. "What happened?" I asked Elly.

"They are tickling Jesus."

"Why?"

"I don't know. Ask them."

Then she started playing with them again—you can see her hands at work in the second picture.

This morning when I woke up, every piece of the manger set had been placed in perfect Sunday-school pageant order. Elly did it. When questioned again about what happened, she said: "They wanted to be that way."

I've gotten attached to the surprise of my living Nativity. There's something just right about a Jesus, Mary, and Joseph who do more than just sit there, gathering dust.

Something to think about this Christmas Eve!

Why I Bake

2008-12-23T07:25:00.009-06:00

Every Christmas, I bake an enormous amount of cookies and candy. I eat a few cookies. My husband and children eat some, too. I give away most of them. Yesterday morning, as I baked three batches of cookies (Molasses Crinkles, MaryAnns, and Chocolate Chip), I asked myself: why do I do this?

I bake to stay connected to my grandmother, my first baking teacher. I started baking with my grandmother when I was five or six. When I make her sugar cookies or Molasses Crinkles or Hot Air candy—I think about her and her great love for me. Here's a short excerpt from my memoir about our ritual:

In the summer evenings, we’d bake sugar cookies together. Her kitchen, a buttery yellow made dingy by years of smoking and frying, would be hot with the heat. A fan, turned backwards in the window, blew the warm air out. She’d drink coffee and smoke as I measured and mixed, using her ancient white kitchen aid mixer. Then, I’d roll the dough into balls and flatten them with a crystal glass dipped in sugar. Next would come the baking—10 minutes per pan. As I waited for the edges to brown, I’d watch the smoke from her cigarette swirl around and out the window. Once when my great Aunt was over, drinking coffee and talking about grown-up things, I listened in. My great Aunt caught my wandering attention and warned, “Watch that girl, she’s not paying attention, she’ll burn them, she’ll burn them.” My grandma laughed, “Don’t worry. She’s doing just fine.”

When I look back on that day, I'm amazed at my grandmother. I was ten! How could she know I wouldn't burn the cookies? My grandma's profound trust in me as a tiny baker girl has given me great confidence. Those are happy memories for me. Science tells us that whenever we savor happy memories—something I do each time I bake—we feel happier right now.

I bake to create happy memories with my children. My daughter loves to bake with me. I can already see the pride and confidence that baking gives her. My son seems to be most interested in the cookies, hovering over us every step of the process asking, "Are they ready yet? Can I have one?" Whatever their connection to the ritual, I hope that our baking creates happy memories for my children to savor.

I bake because I need happy endings. Life is anything but predictable. In the past few years, both of my children have experienced challenges. This past February, my young daughter was diagnosed with failure to thrive and put on a feeding tube. After a year of not growing, she finally gained weight and height! Yes! Now that we know she can grow, we need to figure out how to get her to eat on her own. It's a challenging and unpredictable process. She might eat successfully one day but get sick from the same food on the next day.

On the hardest days, I find myself in the kitchen—my daughter by my side—measuring and pouring, mixing and scooping. Baking provides a taste of predictability that soothes us. Throw the right amount of ingredients into the mixer, scoop, bake—and like magic, we have a little baked gem. But better than that, my anxiety over this little girl's eating has disappeared into the joy of working together on a shared project.

Readers, think about your own lives. List the rituals that allow you to:

savor happy memories
build confidence
create happy moments
experience the joy of predictability
connect with those you love

In this season of short days and long dark nights, practice the rituals that bring you hope and happiness and joy!

For those of you who want to bake, I've included a link to one of my favorite baking cookbooks. It has great information, the most amazing chocolate chip cookie recipe, and enough other treats to keep you baking and eating happily for years!

Need a Lift? Become a Well-Wisher

2008-12-18T08:50:00.004-06:00

I love this picture. It's a photo of my daughter, Elly, and our friend Tracy. In March 2005, Tracy had a seizure that damaged her brain. At first she could not walk or breathe on her own. Almost four years years later, Tracy walks but has difficulty dressing and remembering things. Tracy lives in an assisted living home and spends her days at an adult day care facility. We got connected through our church in the summer of 2005, after my daughter developed a seizure disorder. In the past three and a half years, our visits with Tracy have become an important and joyful part of our life. A recent conversation with my son helped me understand why.

When my son Sam goes to church with his dad, he always sits with the same woman—a middle school teacher who shares his love of cats and playing guitar. Last Sunday, they played guitar and sang with a group caroling at a nursing home. When Sam got home from church, I asked him about this connection. I wondered if he considered this woman to be a friend or a mentor. He answered without hesitation, "She's a well wisher."

"What's a well-wisher?" I asked.

"Someone who wishes you no harm. Only good."

Wow. My surly tween had suddenly become a wise one again. (Most of the wisdom I know comes from my children and the young people I meet at Dream Keepers.)

Thanks to wise Sam, I realized that our relationship with Tracy brings much joy because we can be well-wishers for one another. Once when we were visiting Tracy, Elly tripped and fell. Tracy held out her arms and said, “Oh baby, oh baby. Are you okay?” As Tracy held Elly, I could see that the two were well-wishers for one another. We need and care for each other.

You can guess that being a well-wisher makes the world a better place. Being a well-wisher also makes you more likely to be happier and mentally healthier.

On the day before Thanksgiving, we spent an hour with Tracy and her friends at the adult daycare center. We played Uno (Tracy won). Elly and Tracy helped each other decorate the Christmas tree. I noticed that Tracy smiles a lot when she is being Elly's well-wisher. Elly and I certainly feel happier after we spend time wishing Tracy well.

The holiday season is a perfect time to become a well-wisher. How? Perform a deliberate act of kindness. Befriend someone just for the sake of wishing them well. Send a note to someone for the sole purpose of wishing them many blessings. See if it makes a difference in your life. I'll bet it does.

If you end up getting work as a well-wisher this year, leave a comment here. I'd love to hear how it went—and if you feel happier!

Build a Happiness Network!

2008-12-09T08:37:00.006-06:00

I'm absolutely delighted right now. And why wouldn't I be? We're in the midst of a major storm system. I had to cancel my evening dinner with a friend because of the weather. I have a huge pile of editing work to get through before I can even think about my own writing project. We have a leaky pipe in the basement. The squirrels have moved into my attic. Oh yeah, and the skunk family is back living under my front porch. Still, I'm beaming. Why?

I just learned that happiness is contagious. I have a 7-year-old daughter in the next room who is laughing right now. Every few minutes she runs past my office giggling or stops in to tell me something silly. I could be annoyed by this. After all, I'm trying to work, and work is serious business. But I'm not annoyed.

I now know that being directly connected to a happy person makes me 15 percent more likely to be happy. So I am. But don't feel bad if you don't have a contagiously happy person in your home or immediate circle. Researchers James H. Fowler (UCSD) and Nicholas A. Christakis (Harvard Medical School) found that you can increase your happiness by 7 percent if a friend of a friend is happy. Even if a friend of a friend of a friend is happy—your happiness increases by 6 percent. Similar effects are found if your neighbors are happy. Crazy, eh?

Crazy and wonderful. Because get this: happiness spreads more quickly than sadness in a network. According to the CNN report, "Each happy friend increases your own chance of being happy by 9 percent, whereas each unhappy friend decreases it by 7 percent." (Elizabeth Landau, CNN, "Happiness is Contagious in Social Networks".)

So why care about being happy? After spending the last three years studying the field of positive psychology, I know that happy people live longer, produce more, are healthier, more satisfied with their work, and are less likely to suffer from depression. In fact, happiness is sees as so beneficial, the remote kingdom of Bhutan has put happiness at the heart of government policy. In addition, the World Health Organization has recently considered happiness as a key component to health.

Looking for a happier 2009? Don't wait. Start building your happiness network right now. Here are some ideas:

*Hang out with the happiest people in your family, neighborhood, or circle of friends.

*Network with happy people. Go to networking meetings, book groups, church, synagogue, or a volunteer organization—and sit by the people who are smiling or laughing.

*Build your happiness network by inviting one happy person to have coffee with you.

*Connect with young people. Two years after starting the Dream Keepers Teen Writing Group, I realize that our meetings always improve my mood. Why? The young people tend to be more happy and hopeful than I am. I need that. You do, too.

*Connect to happy people online. The researchers in this study are currently researching Facebook to find out if smiling users are have friends who smile. Next time you consider a friend request, look to see if the person is smiling. (And don't forget to smile in your photo!)

*Line your home and office with photos of happy people from your family and extended network. Every time you look at one of those pictures, you'll feel happier.

Okay, I'm off to play snow tag with a seven-year-old. Go and do likewise!

Read the original study, Dynamic spread of happiness in a large social network: longitudinal analysis over 20 years in the Framingham Heart Study.

Hundreds of Snow!

2008-11-26T09:48:00.004-06:00

We woke up Monday morning to a winter wonderland. My daughter Elly ran from her bed to the window to me and said, "Mom? Did you see? There's hundreds of snow on the ground." I love how she looks at snow—as something to be measured by the number of snowflakes on the ground and not by the number of hassles it causes. On the way to school, I asked Elly what season she liked best. "This one!" she exclaimed. Of course. My daughter lives in the moment, completely grateful for its many gifts.

I'm grateful for my daughter. She helps me see what's good in life. When I asked Elly why she loves snow, she had lots of reasons:

"It's pretty!"
"I get to wear my new boots."
"We can make snow angels!"

Elly's practice—seeing what's good in life and being thankful for it—is good for her. Actually, it's good for all of us. Positive psychologists who study gratitude have learned that:

People who kept gratitude journals, exercised more regularly, complained less about health issues, "felt better about their lives as a whole, and were more optimistic about the upcoming week compared to those who recorded hassles or neutral life events" (Emmons & McCullough, 2003).

People who kept gratitude journals were more likely to achieve their goals.

People who practiced gratitude were more likely to help other people with problems.

Children who practice gratitude "have more positive attitudes toward school and their families" (Froh, Sefick, & Emmons, 2008).

(For more information on the gratitude research of Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough, see Highlights from the Research Project on Gratitude and Thankfulness.)

Got that? Keep a gratitude journal—or simply be grateful— and you're going to feel better, exercise more, and be more likely to achieve your own goals. (And that's just the beginning!) If gratitude were a pill, people would be lining up for it.

Your assignment this weekend: look for the good in each moment and say thank you. Yup, I'm even talking about those less-than-pleasant moments. Stuck in traffic? Annoyed by your family at Thanksgiving dinner? Cold? Ask yourself, "What's good in this?" Think about how a child would make good from that kind of situation. If that doesn't work, meditate on these words from Van Halen's song, Best of Both Worlds:

You don't have to die to go to heaven
Or hang around to be born again
Just tune into what this place has got to offer
Cause we may never be here again.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Resources:

For more inspiration, check out the amazing poem Gratitude by Mary Oliver, from her book What Do We Know.

To learn more about the science of gratitude, read this book by Robert Emmons.

Tis a Gift

2008-11-17T12:16:00.003-06:00

Last year, we did not buy oodles of gifts for our children. We find they rarely remember gifts from year to year. What they remember are the experiences we share. So last year we took the kids to Chicago for New Year's Eve. We booked a great hotel room with a kitchen and free meals. Each child chose a fun place to visit. My daughter—as you can see above—chose to visit American Girl. My son chose ESPN Zone. After our outings, we stayed up late, snacked, and watched holiday movies. It was an experience we won't forget.

As you think about your holidays and assess your gift-giving budget, consider what kinds of gift-giving rituals are meaningful to you. Talk with your family and friends about it. So often we keep doing the same thing because it's what we have always done—even when what we have been doing no longer works. Choose a ritual that works this year. It doesn't have to work forever—just for now. 

Here are some fun, affordable gift ideas I have collected over the years.  

Give the gift of service. One year a friend gave me a loaf of home-baked bread each month. Oh how I loved that monthly delivery! Another friend offered to sit for our kids. Another great gift. What can you do to support friends that costs you time but not money? How about cleaning their house, running errands for them, baking cookies, or working on a home improvement project. Use your imagination! 

Give experiences. A few years ago, I gave a friend a beading night at my house. We sat at the dining room table munching on snacks and making bracelets. How fun! In return, she invited my daughter and I over for an art night. I won't try to explain the project we made. Suffice it to say—we had fun and got just the tiniest bit messy. How about teaching a friend how to bake bread or taking them sledding? 

Give memories. Create a photo album, a photo collage, a memory box, a journal, or a letter. A few years ago, I gave each of my children their own photo album—stocked with some of my favorite photos. They are the most-read books in our house. I heard about one family who wrote questions in a journal for their grandparents. A year later they received the same journal back from their grandparents—filled with the personal, memorable stories! 

Give from your abundance. What do you own that needs a new home or that looks like it belongs with someone else? Give it away! I often give art, gently-used books, scarves, and jewelry to friends. When you give something that you've owned, include a note that explains why you are passing it on. Maybe, "Every time I see this scarf, I think of you."

If you have a great holiday gift tip, please leave a comment! I'd love to hear from you.

Small, Deliberate Acts of Kindness

2008-11-11T11:44:00.002-06:00

Take a good look at the picture—the gorgeous green paper and the LOVE sticker. That small, human touch—plus the handwritten & signed thank you on my receipt and a free gift—made my day. (And it will keep me ordering my beading supplies from Fire Mountain Gems and Beads for years to come.)

You think I'm kidding? I write books. At home. Alone. Some days my only contact with the world is on Twitter or Facebook. Believe me—small, deliberate acts of kindness matter. I take notice when my Barista presents me with a pretty latte. A kind word from the library clerk can put a smile on my face. Yesterday Ms. Emma, the key maven at my Y, asked me how my daughter was doing (my daughter has a feeding tube). Her question meant the world to me.

Readers, think about this: What small acts of kindness mean the world to you?

Now ask yourself this: How can YOU deliberately spread kindness to others?

Start with your immediate circle of family, friends, and neighbors—the people you encounter each day. Broaden your circle to include your business—your colleagues, customers, and those you tweet to online. Finally, consider the acquaintances and strangers you encounter as you move through the day. How can you choose to be kind and gracious to these people?

Some simple ideas:

Greet.
Say thank you.
Compliment.
Give out stickers!

See what happens to you and the people in your world when you make an effort to be kind. Let me know what happens. I'm curious!

YES WE CAN!

2008-11-05T10:46:00.004-06:00

I spent Monday evening at the library with three new Dream Keepers. What a blessing. Every week I meet at least one young person whose eyes light up at the possibility of writing a poem. They rush into our special room and seem delighted all the way up until they get that blank piece of paper. Then I hear, "No, I can't."

This week a tween named Isaiah told me he could not write because he hated his own handwriting. He begged me to let him go back on the computer. I could see his fear but also his deep wisdom. I wanted to see what he might say. So, we made a deal. If he wrote one poem, he could go back on the computer. I offered to be the scribe if he'd play the poet. He agreed! So we worked and worked at it until Isaiah got his I AM poem written. (YES YOU CAN!)

In the middle of the writing, we had a deep conversation about who had better-looking eyes (him or me) and how we'd describe each other's skin (caramel brown for him, pastey white for me). Then Isaiah asked, "When you were little, were your people prejudiced?" I almost fell off my chair. No one had ever asked me that. I talked about what it was to grow up in a town without many people of color. He talked about what it is like to live in a neighborhood with no white people.

I went home amazed and delighted that I had this deep conversation about race and prejudice with an 11-year-old African American boy. I'd gone into the evening feeling sick and tired. I was less-than-hopeful that tweens and teens who didn't even know me would want to write with me—especially boys. Then I met Isaiah. He wrote a poem. We had a conversation. Not one where I did all the talking, and he said, "Yes Ma'am." We had a real conversation—with talking and listening on both sides. It seems that this time I was the one saying, "No, I can't." Isaiah reminded me, "Yes we can!"

This phrase of Obama's—YES WE CAN—has stuck with me throughout this campaign. I am thinking that we'd all accomplish a whole lot more—in our lives, in our communities, and mostly in our relationships—if we believed that we can get along and we can get things done.

Yes we can!

I thank Isaiah for teaching me that. If you want to read Isaiah's poem, check out the Dream Keeper's Web site.

If you need more inspiration,

watch this video

Happy Election Day!

2008-11-04T07:03:00.003-06:00

Last summer, tired by the political rhetoric, I wrote this poem about my own experience with politics. It's written about and in honor of my daughter. Enjoy! (And vote.)

Debating Domestic Policy
by Rochelle Melander

Independent Voter
If my daughter adores it, I don’t
If I exclaim, “Wear it!” She won’t
If she’s trying to decide between this or that,
and I say pick this—she picks that.

Campaign Finance Reform
If I bought it at full price from a fancy store, in-style and in-season,
forget about it.
If she bought it for ten cents from Goodwill, off-the-shoulder and outdated,
She loves it!

Flip-flop Politics
When it’s hot with a chance of heat exhaustion,
she skips off to school in her leopard print snow boots.
Her spin, “Don’t worry, Mom: I’m not wearing socks.”
When it’s freezing with a chance of frostbite,
she lobbies to wear her Hannah Montana flip-flops.
Outside she takes a u-turn,
heads back in to change, saying, “Why didn’t you tell me it was cold?”

Wedge Politics
If the shorts fit perfectly, but the size is less than her age—she says, “Too small”
If the size matches her age but the pants fall down—“A perfect fit!”
Whatever.
All is well until she forgets to hold on,
and, “I see London I see France, . . .”

Red State, Blue State, Purple State
If I say, “It’s an art day. Let’s pick something that can’t get ruined.”
She chooses fancy, fluffy, dry-clean-only red silk and velvet.
When fancy, fluffy, dry-clean-only red silk and velvet mixes it up with blue finger-painted hands,
I say, “Purple! Perfect!”
She says: “Purple! It’s ruined!”

Battleground States
If I lay out the perfect outfit
It doesn’t matter how much I’ve thought it through—
If she says the sleeves are too short
If she declares the tag scratchy or the fabric wiggly
If she deems it babyish or boyish or just plain bad—
I back away slowly and say, “Mistakes were made.”

The Right Now! Coach Reads

2008-11-03T05:13:00.007-06:00

This was a weekend of counting up losses and mourning the most recent ones. When the time is right, I'll be writing some about that here and in my memoir. For now, let me tell you a bit about what helps me in these times of sadness.

I walk. Lots of researchers have written about the benefits of walking. Maybe Augustine said it best, "It is solved by walking." Nothing was solved for me on my walk, but I was blessed by the beauty that surrounded me. The picture above comes from my Saturday walk to Lake Park, near Lake Michigan.

I connect. I tend to isolate when I feel sad. I don't want to burden others. Last night I tried a different tactic—I called a friend. It helped. This morning, after dropping off my daughter in her classroom, I had the opportunity to help a frightened first grader sneak by a scary spider and get safely to her classroom. That helped, too.

I write. This morning I woke up early—3 AM—still sad. As I drank my coffee, I paged through SARK's new book on writing. This quote reminded me that writing can and does mend lives. Maybe not all at once. But, little by little, writing brings healing to our wounds.

And of course, I know to write when everything is awful or feels broken.

Write when you are in despair or euphoria, write it all!

—SARK in Juicy Pens, Thirsty Paper

Desire

2008-11-01T07:28:00.000-05:00

Welcome to National Novel Writing Month, readers!

My daughter longs to be a witch. She decided we'd dress as witches for Halloween. As we walked to her friend's house, my daughter said, "If your feet hurt, I could fly us over." This girl believes with all her heart that someday she will be able to fly and cast spells. Her desire to be a witch made me think of this quote from E. L. Konigsburg's book, Jennifer, Hecate, Macbeth, William McKinley, and Me, Elizabeth:

If you really want to be a witch, nothing you have to do will seem like too much. If you don't really want to be a witch, everything will seem like too much.

I've always wanted to be a novelist. When it comes to writing—nothing seems like too much. Get up at five to write? No problem. Skip a party to write. Absolutely. Set aside a whole month to write a book? You bet.

Readers, if you really want something—you do what it takes to get it. If you want to write a novel—or any book—National Novel Writing Month is the perfect time to do it. If you want to do something else with your life—then what are you waiting for?

Readers, what do you desire?

Found Art

2008-10-30T07:57:00.004-05:00

I found this clever piece of art on one of my walks. I laughed out loud! I loved that the artist thought to include an empty cup next to the sick, hung over pumpkin. And placing the pumpkin on a step makes the whole scene more interesting. Crazy as it sounds, my encounter with this small piece of found art inspired me. I went home and wrote up a storm.

Next time you're out walking, seek art. It will inspire you, too. (Don't forget to take your camera.)

Beating Brain Fatigue

2008-10-28T08:28:00.006-05:00

Does your brain ever just desert you? You're at your desk, working like mad, and then suddenly you can't think of the right word, you can't remember who you were supposed to call, and you can't seem to get anything done. Don't worry, you probably don't have a brain tumor and it isn't old age. It's called brain fatigue, and you can cure it with a walk in the park. NO KIDDING.

When we work at a focused task, like entering data or writing an essay, we use something called directed attention. But we only have a limited amount of this kind of attention. When we use it up, it's like our brain has run out of gas. Most of us try to fill the tank with a little artificial energy—caffeine or sugar. We'd do much better by taking a walk in the park or even looking out the window at a park.

Why? Using our brain's other type of attention—involuntary attention—restores our ability to do focused work. Involuntary attention is what happens when we automatically respond to things like a dog barking or the sound of rain on the window. Psychologists have discovered that natural green environments have the best chance to capture our involuntary attention and restore our ability use our directed attention.

So next time your brain gets fatigued, take a walk in or around or near someplace green. That's where I'm going RIGHT NOW.

Interested in learning more about brain fatigue and how green space can help children learn? Tune into Tara Parker-Pope's podcast on health in The New York Times:

http://tinyurl.com/6z4w3e

Take an Energy Renewal Break!

2008-10-24T07:14:00.004-05:00

I've been having way too much fun playing with the pictures at http://www.FaceinHole.com

I put my daughter on Hannah Montana, my son on a German music magazine, and my husband in The Scream. My work made everyone in the family laugh—a great reward! I often recommend that clients take energy renewal breaks, something recommended in the book, The Power of Full Engagement. I think this counts as an energy renewal break! Try it and see.

Learning to Fly

2008-10-17T10:48:00.005-05:00

Last year, my family and I watched Kiki's Delivery Service, a film about a young witch who, like other 13-year-old witches, must spend the year alone in a new town learning how to be a witch. Kiki's magical gift is flying—so she sets up a flying delivery service. At one point in the story, Kiki's confidence in herself falters and so does her flying. Kiki overcomes her fears, learns to believe in herself, and flies again.

After watching the movie a gazillion times, my daughter Elly wanted to fly. She spent many days practicing on various brooms. A year later, she's still practicing. She believes that when she finds the right broom...or when she turns 13...she will know how to fly.

Watching Elly work so hard at flying, I was inspired. How many of us dabble at a dream and, when it does not work out the 1st or 2nd or 3rd time, we give up? Too many, I think. I've certainly been there. How about you? What do you deeply desire that you gave up on...or are tempted to give up on? What's one small step you could take towards that goal right now?